Giving myself a break

I've been obsessing over the dog thing all day. I've managed to write a blog post and fill 4 pages in my journal over it (and it's a BIG journal) and I've come to the realization that I had unrealistic expectations about how today was going to go. It hit me pretty squarely: I spent 10 hours looking for a dress, for goodness sake, what makes me think that I can find a good pet in two hours? How silly is that? So I will continue on my dog search and be content in the knowledge that I will find the right dog for me when it's the right time.

Sometimes I sound like a grown-up....scary.

Today's the day I get a dog

...or at least I thought so. It was not the case, though. I decided that I'm ready to get a dog and, since I have some down time this week, today would be the perfect day to go to the shelter and come home with a new companion.

I woke up excited an a little nervous at the prospect. I found Carmen's old dishes and discovered that I still had 6 months of her heart worm/flea/tick medicine. I set up the dishes--they're the kind that sit off of the floor so that it's easier for the dog to eat. And I cleaned out the back of my car in anticipation of the new dog riding back there.

Off I went to the Animal Shelter. I had looked at a bunch of these dogs online and was anticipating meeting them in person. Surely one of these sweet dogs would be perfect for me.

I met Sash first. She is a reserved greyhound mix. She's so reserved, though, that she hardly paid any attention to me. Not a very excited dog whatsoever. I mean I would like a dog who at least seemed happy to see me...she is very sweet, though and good with people and other dogs. I just wasn't excited about her. And she wasn't excited about me.

Next was a black lab (by the way, I'm looking at adult and young dogs, I don't want a puppy)who was just under 2 years old...WAY too much dog for me. Really excited and would be perfect for someone with a fenced yard and 3 kids.

There were a couple of other dogs; Gregor, a hound mix who had the right amount of playfulness and independence that would work well for me, and Cane. Cane is an absolutely beautiful Pit Bull Terrier who, while he's still young, responds very well to commands and his training. He would be a great dog to take on hikes and to play fetch with. But am I really the person who would play fetch every day? I'm not sure.

Believe it or not, it has been an extremely emotional day for me. I thought I was coming home with a new pet, but in the process of finding the right one, I found that I may not be ready for a new dog just yet. I'm aware of the responsibility of owning a dog. I'm rescuing a dog from the pound and, therefore, if it is not a good fit, I would feel very guilty about returning the dog if I needed to.

Am I ready to replace Carmen? I didn't realize it at until today that Carmen was the first dog that was truly mine. My responsibility, my friend and companion that got me through some tough times. The idea of having another dog in my house that's not Carmen is upsetting. And, the good lord willing, I will outlive this next dog. Can I face the prospect of having another pet die or be put to sleep? I understand now why my dad would get so upset when I brought a pet home when I was a kid...he couldn't stand the idea of having a pet die. It would make him so angry. I don't think I'm like my dad in that way, but I do understand it now.

So I don't have a new dog today. I've gone to the pet store to price crates and I've gone to the library to get a couple of books on dog behavior. I'm scared, really. I'm making a commitment and taking on a responsibility that I take very seriously. My last pet relationship lasted 4 years longer than my marriage did. That should tell you something.

Holiday Pics

Aunt C & Ella Bella


Family Portrait
My Three Brothers, my sister & me



Boy! You can tell we're related!

Winter Solstice

My Mom's Christmas Cactus was in full bloom this week; its pink blossoms a reminder of the Spring to come.

Happy Solstice!

Aunt Connie's Cyber Cafe

Since my house is the only one with wireless internet, at the holidays, my dining room table becomes the local cyber cafe.

That's my 15 year old nephew, Dylan & my 33 year old nephew-in-law Will.

I'm a Shopping Queen!

Remember the money my brother gave me to buy new clothes? Well, I have spent a total of 12 hours shopping for these new clothes. Last week I spent 7 hours on Friday looking for the perfect black dress. I didn't find one that day after trying on at least 30 dresses. By the time I left the mall I was delirious and hungry. I couldn't make a decision to save my life. This one was too dressy, this one was not dressy enough. I'm not IN LOVE with it. I found one that I loved, but they didn't have it in my size and told me it didn't come in my size! It's a sad thing when you lose 2 sizes and the perfect dress doesn't even come in the second most common size in the US. I finally gave up (something I should have done 3 hours earlier) and went home.

The next day I decided I would buy a skirt & top. Found a cute skirt (after trying on 6 dresses at Steinmart) and headed off to the mall (again) for a top. I'm back in the same department store, skirt in hand, with 3 tops that might work and the fitting room is in the area where I tried on dresses yesterday. "Oh, what the hell, I have a fresh eye today, let's look for another dress or two to try on." I grab a couple that look interesting and head for the dressing room.

First I try on the tops with the skirt I brought with me...meh...nothing to write home about. So I move on to the dresses...there was one in particular that I was saving for last because I really liked it and wanted it to fit and look good...a sweet little dress with a lace bodice and silk chiffon skirt...the other two were okay but the last one fit me like it was made for me. I couldn't believe it. I looked in the mirror and said, "I know I tried you on at least twice yesterday, why didn't I want you? You're perfect?" I can't describe how great I look in this dress and it's a grown-up dress that doesn't make me look like I'm 57. When there's an occasion to wear it, I'll be sure to post pictures. Now, why would I want a black dress that I have no reason to wear at the moment? Well, every woman should have a little black dress and should someone invite me to a fund raiser or a gala, I will be prepared....and did I mention that the dress was marked down from $115 to $57.50 AND an extra 30% was taken off at the register....the perfect dress for only 40 BUCKS! You know what that means, don't you? That I still have $60 to spend.

Flash forward to today. NY & Company is having a 50% off everything sale...another outfit for $40...The perfect white shirt and a great pair of gray pinstripe pants. I cleaned up!!!! And I look Awesome! Two classic outfits for under $100! My brother will be so proud. I'm wearing the pants and top to the family Christmas gathering on Saturday. He'll be able to see where half of his funds went.

Quote for today

You don’t have to earn or deserve love. You are love.


Rhonda Britten

Gone All Pear Shaped

So I was watching Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares on BBC America the other day and he said something that made me fall off the chair laughing. In referring to the fact that the kitchen and staff had just fallen apart, he said it "had gone all pear-shaped."

All I could picture was this animated pear with skinny little legs and arms trying to re-arrange it's shape into something other than a pear....Lifting the rounded part, hoping that it will stay up, releasing it and it just falling back down into a pear shape. Lift.....Bloop.....Lift.....Bloop

(These are the times that I really wish I could draw so that I could illustrate the picture that phrase calls to mind.)

Well, at least Holley thought it was as funny as I did.

So I am going to start using the colloquialism as much as often...that and "This area is nice" in a weird French accent a la the dog in the Cannon camera commercial.

The Gods Work In Mysterious Ways

I had a lovely surprise today. Funds are really low for me this time of year and since I've lost all this weight, I really have nothing nice to wear. I have bought a couple of necessities and, unwillingly, put them on my credit card. Well, today, I'm sitting at my computer and there's knock on the door. In comes D and he gives me a hug and hands me some money to buy myself a new outfit for Christmas. It was completely out of the blue and such a sweet thing to do. He told me he was proud of the way I had worked to get my weight off and that he loved me. I am so touched and thankful for the reminders of how much I am loved.

Thanksgiving

I roasted my first turkey this year. Normally, I wouldn't do this, but my wacky dad said he couldn't get one pre-cooked so he brought one to me to roast. No problem. Except that it was a 20 pound bird!!!! I could barely lift it. My dad had trouble, too, but that was because he passed out while repairing the roof of the trailer and took a tumble. He bruised his ribs, shoulder and head. Stubborn old coot! 77 years old and on the roof of the trailer-house by himself! Well, we know where I get it from (may I remind you of the running of the lawnmower off of the hill last summer...oh and the jet-ski incident). But I will guarantee you that you won't find me repairing the roof of my trailer at 77. I'll find me a nice young man with 6-pack abs to do it for me. Hmmmmm.....where was I?

Oh, Thanksgiving. Everything turned out great. Then again, as long as there is meat on the table, most folks in my family are happy. And we had 20 lbs of Bird and 15 lbs of Pig. They were VERY happy. I made 2 lbs of asparagus thinking that I'd have a lot left over for myself. But, lo & behold! It disappeared almost as fast as the gravy! I thought I'd hear, "Aunt Connie always has weird food." But the kids are growing up and trying new things. It's about time. Considering they are in their late 20s and early 30s. It's a good thing I kept some back for myself. I will steam it up tomorrow to eat with my turkey soup.

So a good time was had by all and I am very thankful that we were together, healthy (Dad's healing up fine) and happy.

You Know You're a Bit of a Geek When...

You get really stoked about meeting Carl Kasell at the taping of Wait! Wait! Don't Tell Me.

No, You Come On

Do you ever wonder what our pets are really thinking? This little Pom just makes me laugh out loud

5 Shows in 3 Days

Last weekend I went to Barter Theatre to catch the Fall Rep shows before they closed. I had a blast!

First of all, I was able to spend time with Mike O & Katy. We spent more time together than usual am very grateful for their hospitality and friendship. I've come to love Mike's guest bed...a queen-sized, VERY FIRM mattress. And they both are very gracious hosts. We had breakfast together every morning--oatmeal, my favorite--and Mike had coffee available even though he is cutting out caffeine.

I also caught up with some other friends at Barter and they are becoming fewer and fewer simply because, as we all do, they have moved on. It was good to see those I knew and to make the acquaintance of new, extremely talented, people.

Speaking of which, the shows were great. It's so good to enjoy a show and watch it with a critical eye without the back story of my personal experience with the specific actors or the rehearsal process to color my opinion. And I have to say that all at Barter Theatre do fantastic work. I am very proud to call myself a Barter Alumna. And am most proud of the courage and creativity that is so abundant there, especially with the Barter Players who do no less than perform miracles on a daily basis.

Appreciation and Gratitude

This is something new for me. Charlie, the Artistic Director of NC Stage never passes up a chance to tell me how much he appreciates me and my work. I am so grateful for that.

It does take some getting used to. While I have worked for people who have appreciated me I didn't know it until after the fact...and I NEVER heard it from the person directly. It is only through careful analysis and from speaking to others that I have figured it out. How wonderful it is to not have to guess or to second-guess myself.

I tell Charlie and Angie, the Producing Director, that they will have to carry me out of NC Stage in a box.

All I have to do now is stay clear of large boxes.

Perfect Pictures for an Imperfect world

As Promised

Before: July 18, 2007

UgH!!!!!!! Looks more like a mug shot

and AFTER (October 25, 2007)



Thank goodness for bronzing powder!

Wanna know the best part? I bought the suit at 70% off! Woo hoo!

Now I've Gone and Done It

I bought a 2-piece swimsuit today to wear for my "After" picture. You have no idea how difficult it is to find a swimsuit in Asheville in October. Although the way it's been raining the past 2 days, I may need one!

Coming soon....actual photographs!

Today was my last day

On my Remarkable Body Development program.

It's been a journey. I have reached or surpassed all of my goals but one. And I changed my mind about being able to ride a bike to downtown because it was just too stressful. But I'm not focusing on that.

I'm focusing on the fact that:
I have lost 27 lbs
I have lost 20 inches in various & sundry places
I can do 15 push ups
even my "skinny" jeans are too big now and
I have cheekbones again
I can see my ribs
I have very strong legs
I have biceps and triceps

I am very proud of myself, especially since I managed to see this through during a tech. No more emotional eating for me. I have grown even as I have shrunk.

I'll post my before & after pics once I get the After one done. It's hard to find a good-fitting bathing suit in October.

Actual Conversation

This is the conversation I had with the kid behind the counter at Batteries Plus:

Me: Hey! I need a gross of Double-A Procell batteries and I want to put them on the Diana Wortham Theatre's account.

Counter Boy: Okay, how many do you need?

Me: A gross.

Counter Boy: How many?

Me: A gross.

Counter Boy: So.....is that like a "Buttload"?

I was shocked and amazed.

Another Cute Pic of Ella Bella