Four Items

Three Bags.

Enough Said.

Toucanostramingo

First, let me explain my friends, Paul, Winston & Debra. We fantasize about the kind of practical jokes we would play on each other had we had tons of money at our disposal. Jokes like sending one on vacation and then coming in and hand painting, on velvet, the Last Supper on a prominent wall in the living room. Or completely re-landscaping the yard in Gnome Villiages. Or how about redecorating the house in a taste opposite of the jokee's taste. It provides us with hours of amusement and belly laughs.

Since we don't have that kind of money, we shop at thrift stores for things to make each other laugh. Or, rather, Paul, Winston & Debra do. They have taken shopping at thrift stores and discount stores to a higher art form. So, since last July, I have been hearing, "I can't wait until you open your Christmas Present!" This has caused me many nights of trying to figure out what in they world they might have gotten.

When I arrived home from a family vacation, there was a 5-foot box on my porch. "Hmm...could this be the gift from Paul, Win and Deb? Why yes, it is." So, after a brief struggle with packing tape, carboard and packing paper, my efforts revealed the following:

A Toucanostramingo

Notice, if you will, the unusually large feet and small wings. This bird couldn't get off the ground if he tried. And that Beak! What exactly is it used for? Fishing or berry eating? And, obviously, his sight isn't very good. Notice the crossed eyes. So I must give him a safe home.

Thank you, Paul, Win and Deb. This Big Bird will provide lots of laughs and explainations until I decide that he must go back to his natural habitat: Goodwill.

Finally!

A grocery store bagger who knows what he's doing!

Have I mentioned my pet peeve regarding grocery store baggers? In case you don't know, it drives me up the wall to go to the checkout with 18 items (two of which are in their own bags, like 3lb bags of apples & oranges) and come out of the store with 13 of the plastic bags. That's not even two items per bag!!! In fact, the other day, I asked the bagger to put more than one item in the bags, which he did, and then he DOUBLE BAGGED those items!!!! I couldn't make him understand that I didn't want so many bags and to pack smart, not just throw each item into a bag. It was difficult, but I think I ended up with closer to a 40% Bag to Item ratio that day.

Then, there was the guy yesterday. I wanted to hug him! Unfortunately, I can't remember his name, but I made it a point to tell him how happy he made me with the way he was packing the bags. He looked ahead to see what items could be packed with each other. He put frozen and refrigerated items together so that they would stay colder longer and none of the bags was too heavy. He also told me the trick of putting all the canned goods in one bag, tying a knot in it and then packing it with other items so they don't roll around in the trunk. BRILLIANT! Although he was the best bagger I've run into in a long time, he did, however, put the gallon of milk in its own bag. It did make it easier to carry it, but a gallon of milk does have a handle. Oh, well, his exemplary performance up to then was an early Christmas present and I'm not going to dwell on that one teensy-weensie issue.

So, baggers beware! I know it can be done right. I've seen it!

Are They Looking At My Butt?

There's a climbing wall at a local community center here. I thought it would be fun to look into taking a class, so I asked about it. They aren't giving classes yet, but will be doing so soon. And they will have a women only class in addition to a coed class. Now call me crazy, but if you're sweating and climbing and the only thing keeping you from hitting the ground if (or when) you fall is a person on the other end of the rope, wouldn't you want a sturdy man on the other end of that rope? I mean, who cares if he's looking at your butt? Everyone is looking at your butt! It's 15 feet in the air!

I think that I'm not typical in my thoughts towards exercise and, especially my thoughts toward doing something as new and exciting as climbing. My goal would be to learn to climb, get to the top and do it safely and well. I would be concentrating on where my feet and my hands are going not who is looking at my butt. And since when do men really care what our butt looks like, especially in that harness? It's not the most flattering thing in the world. He really only cares if it's naked or wrapped in lace panties. Otherwise it's just that stuff at the top of your legs; legs that are working really hard on finding that next foothold and keeping you from falling. So I say forget the women only classes and bring on the full-blown all men and women all the time wall climbing class!

The Best Thanksgiving in a Long Time

This Thanksgiving was the best holiday that I've had in a long time. I was prepared, relaxed and had fun with my family. I was probably relaxed because I was so tired. We'd wrapped the movie at 2:00 am on Wednesday morning and my house looked like a catastrophe. So I cleaned some on Wednesday but I didn't get it completed. I had to get up at 6:00 am on Thanksgiving to clean, sweep, dust and mop the downstairs (don't even think about looking upstairs) and get myself ready for the first wave of family at 11:00 am. I don't know how I did it, but I did (I did make the banana pudding the night before and the hors d'oeuvres were simple). As a result, I was able to just tell everyone where to put the food.

I was "Mean Aunt Connie" though. I hid the remote control to the TV so that the boys (all ranging from age 21 to 55) wouldn't just come in and start watching football. I caught them trying to change the channel a couple of times (I had the TV on a satellite radio station) and had to make them talk to one another until after dinner. The amazing thing is that they did talk to each other--about football. After we ate I handed over the remote and all was well.

The World's Cutest Baby Boy was there. My Great-Nephew, Blayn. He's 15 months old now and still as cute as can be. He's going to be joined by cousin, Ella, in March. It's great to be able to really spoil the little ones and give them back. I feel like a real Aunt since I'm actually an adult while these little ones are babies.

Friday I went to work for a couple of hours and then stayed up late playing cards with my brother and his family. It's become a tradition that I really enjoy. The only game I know is Hand and Foot. Maybe I'll learn something new and teach it to everyone when we go to West VA for Christmas.

Saturday was spent eating a Deep Fried Turkey at Erik's family's house and spoiling 3 little ones that I have absolutely no connection with. Of course, E's family was making hints about us (I told them that we've had every relationship two people can have and we've settled on best friends) especially when the little one fell asleep on my shoulder. I was initiated into the pack when JC walked by a poked me with a stick. I'm part of the family now--Even though I have bee part of the family since 1980. Fun times were had by all. As you can see, Bailey Jewel had fun in the piles of leaves.

Today, I didn't do a darned thing. Resting up from the holiday and catching up on lost sleep. Tomorrow I hit the ground running again back at work at the Diana Wortham and getting ready for the Nutcracker.

I hope all of you had a great holiday.

Connie The Geek

We finished shooting at 11:30 pm on Tuesday, 11/21. Here are some pics of the actors. Above is Mischa Barton between takes. We were on top of a mountain in Maggie Valley, NC and it was rainy and freezing! She was a good sport about it all.
Michael Albanese is the one on the left. He was hanging out with one of our Transpo guys, Rodney, and Hanna, on of our fabulous PAs
Okay, this is me and Ellen. Ellen is the Locations Manager who took over when we started shooting. We worked really well together.
Ryan Kwanten was the lead in the picture. He was very gracious and friendly. He took the time to learn everyone's name and also made a point of saying good morning. He's a keeper. It was fairly early in the morning, so fogive his squinty eyes.

Here's where the ultimate geekdom comes in. I had to screw up my courage to ask Mr. Bridges if he would pose for a picture with me. He, also, was very gracious and kind.

Even Stranger

I went to the beta blogger site and nothing that I have posted since the 4th is on there. But sometimes I can get the stuff I posted yesterday. I'm so confused. Maybe I should just go to bed.

If anyone can see the posts with the pictures from the film, please let me know.

Odd Happenings at E Blogger

I posted a bunch of pictures and a couple of other things yesterday and none of them have shown up yet. So, I'll repeat them and see what happens.

Sunset and Field

I still was able to witness some beautiful scenery last week.

More Pics from Last Week

This is the back of the lighting Truck
Lauretta, our 2nd AD finishing up paperwork in the skanky motel we shot in. It was almost as bad as that Econo Lodge in Baltimore that we stayed in during Sunny Side.
Grip Truck..That's Paps and Jon. I'm not sure who's in the back
Pete the Wonder PA on Lockdown in the Hotel. He made sure no one went thru that door while the scene was going on
Nate waiting for Lauretta to tell him he could go home

Some Pics from Last Week

This is our RV/Truck Village. I took these two pics while on top of the parking garage where we were shooting last Sunday.

Joe and Drew, a couple of our Transpo guys. They get the vehicles where they need to be
That's me with the RVs and Mo Ho in the background.
This is Mischa's back getting ready for her stunt.

The Worst Day So Far

Was yesterday. Tensions were high, we were on top of a mountain in the cold and the rain and they couldn’t make up their minds where they wanted to shoot a scene. Then I locked my keys in my car. On top of it all, everyone decided that they wanted to do my job. Or, at least that’s how it felt to me. That, and that I couldn’t do anything right. Add to all that, getting yelled at by the Line Producer because he couldn’t follow the directions (he was the only one out of 60 people who missed the exit) and the 1^st AD accusing me of being rude (She’s pretty inconsiderate herself) and I would say that I had a pretty miserable day. But I survived and didn’t quit and, as I kept saying to myself and anyone who would listen, “Tomorrow’s another day.”

More Film Abbreviations

Stinger = extension cord run from the generator by the Electrics

Crafty = The person who runs Craft Services

Scripty = Script Supervisor

Cube = A regular, rental-type box truck

Martini = The last shot of the day

Fall Photo

I took this picture from Beaucatcher Mountain a couple of weeks ago. I was escaping the insanity and took a moment to look around. This is what I saw.

Film Abbreviations

Mo Ho=Motor Home (the BIG Hair and Makup Trailer)
DP=Director of Photography
PD=Production Designer
(these are pretty obvious except for the fact that the two of them work very closely in pre-production and I kept getting the abbreviations mixed up)
Jenny=generator--The BIG ASS generator that you can run an entire theatre full of lights off of
Putt-Putt=the baby generator that supplies power to trailers, etc when we can't get an outlet from the site
BG=Background or Extras in a scene
1st team=principle actors
2nd team=stand-ins

When I can think of more, I'll add them

Oh, and about the celebs: Mischa Barton is tall for a movie actress, I don't know her actual height, but she's almost as tall as me. And I'd be suprised if she weighs as much as 120. Skinny! She has an adorable puppy. I haven't met her, yet, but she seems nice.

Ryan is a really nice guy,too bad he's too young for me.

That's it for my day off.

Film...it's a different world

Well, it's 1:23 am on Wednesday Morning and I'm still on set. I was here at 6:00am and I still have a 45 minute drive home. We're having "“Transpo" problems. That means that there are 10 vehicles that have to get from one place to another and only 5 drivers. And those drivers have to go about 40 minutes round-trip. And, since I'm Locations, I'm the last one out. I have to wait until everyone is gone before I can leave, turn off the lights and be able to say that I left the place in good condition.

Needless to say, I'm a little grumpy about it.

Things are going a lot better for me now that we're actually shooting. Production is a lot like Tech, only longer and with TONS more stuff! There's the mad rush to get ready for rehearsal and then the waiting around for them to set the lights, then going with the scene and then doing it over again or moving on to another mad rush. One of the positive differences is that there is a constant supply of food. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. But food nonetheless.

I do have to say that everyone works really hard and there are no slackers at all on this picture. And, since I'm busy taking care of the physical location, I don't get the opportunity to see much of the acting, so I can't form an opinion on that. We have this nice guy named Ryan Kwanten and Mischa Barton comes tomorrow. Ja Rule is also in it and I think we're getting Bo Bridges to play the dad. So it should be interesting, to say the least.

Okay, I'm napping until the transpo team get here.

More on film abbreviations later.

I have Decided

Back in my Catholic Teenage days I would listen to Amy Grant. I thought she was the coolest! And who knew that songs about God could sound like contemporary, pop songs? Anyway, she has this song called I Have Decided and it has been running around in my head all day today.

I don't know if I'm unique in that I have a radio station in my head that is a constant underscore to my life, but that's the way it is. I have found that if I just stop and listen to the words that are repeating I can hear what's really going on with me.

Today I was contemplating the fact that about two months ago, I hadn't worked very much this year and didn't have much money. About that time, I DECIDED that I would do something about it. Sitting around feeling sorry or putting my fate in someone else's hands simply is not the way to make things happen on one's life. I was making excuses about why my life wasn't going well and taking it out on those around me (The Great Lawnmower Meltdown comes to mind--I'll elaborate on that one later). Once I decided to take control of my situation, things began to change. It's amazing how that works. Whether it's faith in a higher being or simply faith in one's self, there is only one way to do what you need to do in life. DECIDE what you want and then make choices according to that decision.

So, what more have I decided? I've decided that I will keep a positive attitude with regards to this film shoot. I have decided that, even though my house will not be pristine come Thanksgiving (we shoot thru the day before), I will make the best of it and not be paranoid that my sister may be judging me. She probably isn't. I have decided that I will do what I have to do in order to take care of myself and not go stark raving mad between now and then.

What have you decided?

Cemetery Lady

It occurred to me today that I had never been to Riverside Cemetery in Asheville. It's a very old cemetery that houses a number of interesting people such as O. Henry, Thomas Wolfe, and a few governors. I've always had a fascination with cemetaries partly because they are, in their own way, an historical art museum. Marble sculpture and inscription for the departed is very personal and meaningful and, to me, holds weight. I came across this beautiful door to a mausoleum. I was so enamored of the art, I didn't look for the date.

It made me catch my breath.

There are so many questions that come to mind when I see this beautiful young woman. Is she saying goodbye? Is she waiting for her time to go in and join her loved one? Or is she contemplating taking her own life in order to be allowed inside?

Every person who saw this piece of art would make up his or her own story about the lady waitng at the door. And all of them would be true.

"That must drive you nuts!"

Did I mention the Film is different? This is a very unexpected difference that I'm not sure I know how to handle:

People are very complimentary and say things like: "Thank you, you're doing a great job" at least once a day.

Yes! It's true! Compliments and reassurance! And I'm not sure I'm absolutely comfortable with it. That is the sad part. I have been working in theatre for 20 years and I rarely experienced a thank you or a direct compliment.

On this particular project, however, I get some sort of "Atta Girl!" from the Producer, the Director or the Production Coordinator on a daily basis. It gives me the willies! The difficulty is in simply accepting the praise and not reading too much into it. Obviously, I've made an impression on these people. That's the most compliment I need. Knowing that I'm doing a good job under difficult circumstances and keeping a good attitude even though my brain has turned to mush is pretty impressive.

Maybe film isn't so bad, after all....Stay tuned, we haven't gone into production, yet.

More Work Stuff

Well, I’m not so sure that I like being a Locations Scout. The days are long and there’s no interaction between me and other people on the film. I do know that will change once we get into the shoot—Did I mention that we are shooting a Feature Film in less than a month? There are a few days in NY, but the majority of the film is in the Asheville area.

Anyway, I’m in my car, driving around, trying to find things that match what’s in the director’s head. Now, I used to be a good mind reader, but I have given that up because it became such a drain. I’m not a good mind reader right now. Especially since I'm working on lack of sleep and little to no nutrition (I've lost 3 pounds this week) and I haven’t really had enough time with the director to figure out what he wants. It’s an odd process. And much less collaborative than theatre. Everyone has his or her own idea about what needs to be done and they don’t talk to one another. Not something I’m used to at all. I think that on my next film I want to do something else. Something more managerial and organizational. I’m good at that.

I had an obligation this week that I couldn’t get out of. I’m the backstage “stage manager” for a concert at the Diana Wortham. I am so much more at home here. In fact, I’m more relaxed right now than I’ve been since last Saturday. I guess that this is where I’m supposed to be. It’s familiar, people have confidence in my ability and, yes, I say “Stand by,” and everyone on headset stops talking. Could it be that I’m more relaxed and happy when I’m in charge?

New Job, New Equipment

Since my new job is about taking Photos of locations, I bought a digital camera. Don't tell anyone that I stop and take personal pictures while on the clock!

The above were taken Downtown and at the Asheville Arboretum.

Hopefully, I'll be able to post more. But since my days have turned into 14 hour work days (film is soooo glamorous!!!) I may just post photos of what's going on. No time to think deep thoughts or be clever. Photos will have to do.

Work Begets Work

I have fallen off the face of the earth and into work.

I worked with an actress in one of my recent shows who is a local film producer. She asked if I'd be interested in film---Of course I am!

I did 2 days as a PA on the re-shoots of a film she was working on.

Film, by the way, is like a constant 10 out of 12. Scurry and get everything set up and then wait for GOD. God has a lot of influence, especially if it's an outside shot. We waited for clouds to pass by on one day and we waited an hour for sunset on another (I guess we were too efficient).

Well, I guess I impressed her enough as a PA that she recommended me for her next film. I start Monday as an Assistant Locations until we start filming...then I'll be doing something else. Woo Hoo! Then there's one in February that she wants me for.

The gods are making up for me not taking a position as Michael Mann's assistant on Mohicans 15 years ago...and I know that I wouldn't have been able to cut it in the film business 15 years ago. I had a lot of growing up to do before that.

I Love My Job!

Most of the time....Especially last Friday.

Even though it had been a hard week of 10 am Student Matinees on top of regular work at the theatre, and I was in the theatre on Friday from 8:30 am to Midnight, it was all worth it because I was backstage for the Alison Brown concert. DAMN! That woman can play the banjo! She and her quartet put on a great show and I got paid to listen to it. Who could have a better job than me?

Well, it gets better when I'm backstage for a ballet with live music. Beautiful dancers, beautiful choreography and kick-ass music. What more can a girl want?

WalMart on Labor Day

It's like Disneyworld gone bad.

I did, however, watch a little boy pick out a toy that he was able to buy with his own allowance money. He couldn't have been more than 5 and he jumped up and down laughing and clapping about his new toy bow and arrow set. I looked at his mom and said, "I wish I could get that excited over something that only cost $4." But I guess I could get excited over things that cost $4. Ice cream in the dipped waffle cone. A good cup of cappuchino. Refills on the regular coffee. A mug from the Goodwill store that shows a friend thought of me while away.

But there is one thing that bugs me:

I saw yet another one of those cling things that people are putting in the windows of their trucks and SUVs. You know the ones, they have a cross or a rose with the words, "In Memory of Little Jimmy--1986-2006." I don't understand this new custom. It's as if the person bought a new vehicle and dedicated it to the memory of the dearly departed. It's akin to crosses on the Christmas tree. I understand wanting to show your faith and reminding yourself (and others) that the Holidays are about celebrating Christ. But is a torture device an appropriate way to celebrate a birth? In the same way, I think people would like to express their grief over the death of (usually) a young life. But is it appropriate to advertise it on your truck? I don't know. I think that it's just another way to capitalize on people's grief.

Maybe we should bring back the tradition of wearing black for a year following the death of a family member.

Good News!!!!

I found out today that one of my nieces is due in March!!!! Yay! I'm going to be a great-aunt again!

Stubbornness or Patience?

This is a very long story. I will try to make it short without leaving out pertinent information.

I ordered Dish Network on August 21st. The first day that they can install it is on Saturday August 26th. I get a call on August 23 asking if they can install it that day. Yes you can but I have to leave to go to work at 5:00.

The tech comes out and does his best to install the stuff in the time allotted. That's okay, you can come out on Saturday, the day I originally scheduled the appointment and finish.

Saturday comes and it's 3:00pm. No Tech, no call, no nothing. I call Dish Network to find out what's going on. They say that I don't have an appointment. I'm not happy, but I make another appointment for the next Saturday--Today

So now it's Saturday and I call to make sure that the appointment still stands. It does.

The Tech arrives around 3:00pm takes a look around and, after getting on top of the roof to take a look at the dish and the next think I know, he's packing up. He's not able to complete the install because it was a different company that was here last week and he can't take on the responsibility of finishing something that another company started.

He advised me to call Dish, get them on the case of getting my install completed and to get the phone number of the original install company and call them and tell them to get here ASAP and make sure a Field Supervisor comes to complete the job.

I do what he says--Call Dish Network and tell them what's going on. They were great about it and gave me the number of the company.

I called the company fully expecting that there would be a message saying that they were closed. No, they are open from 8 to 7 seven days a week. Yay! I might be able to take care of this! But no, I was on hold for, literally, 50 minutes. After the first half-hour I called on my cell phone, too. So I was on hold for a total of 100 minutes---Stubborn or Patient?

To finish off the story--at least as far as it goes today--I called Dish and asked them to try the company and make me another appt. to get them out here to complete the job. So I have another appointment for next week and 2 free months of service---once I get the service.

Bad Acting, Bad Writing and Poor Communication Practices

I have had more time off the past few months than I care for. I have filled that time with doing stuff around my house, working on my resume and watching TV. I had developed a routine for myself that included watching TV while I ate my lunch. Since I don’t have cable, my daytime television viewing is limited…VERY LIMITED. So, I decided to choose, albeit with not much thought, to watch a little of the soap opera, Days of Our Lives. I chose Days because it came on while I ate my lunch and it was a soap I used to follow when I was a teenager.

In the early ‘80s, (when I was a teen) the drama of the stories were so exciting (my grandma got me hooked on General Hospital when I was a toddler) and the people were SO Glamorous!!!! I wanted to look like them and be like them, which is further proof that teenagers don’t know squat! Now it’s over 20 years later and I find myself hooked again. Only this time it’s for different reasons.

This show makes me laugh!

I was watching the other day while I was weaving a seat for my dining room chair—yes, I really was weaving a seat—and messed up 3 rows because I was laughing so much. The first thing that I thought was funny was that all the characters were familiar to me and either they or their children were going through the same traumas that they had 20 years ago.

Here are some of the traumas:
-Infidelity
-Who’s the real father of the baby?
-I married a man I didn’t love so that my sister could have the man I love and she really loves my husband
-I thought he was dead and now he’s back, but I’m married to his arch-nemesis but carrying my "dead" husband's baby
-The DNA of my baby shows that a man I never slept with (I think) is the father
-There’s a stalker on the loose and he (or she) is targeting my entire family because we are more important than presidents or governors, kings or queens

One question: Most of the people on this show are doctors. You would think that at least a few of the women on the show would learn how to use contraceptives!

Then there is the bad acting. Now I’m not saying that these ladies and gentlemen are bad actors, but, for the most part they are put into situations where the acting can’t help but be bad. I actually saw a Soap Opera Eyebrow Raise the other day. The poor actor walked into a room and someone asked him what he was doing there and then there was a tight shot on his face, the eyebrow raise ( I may have heard a vibraphone in the background) and then cut to commercial.

Last but not least, the poor communication skills. It seems that all these people do is talk, talk, talk, but they never say anything to each other. All the drama hinges on misunderstandings and conniving and manipulating…Hell, any good British Farce gives you the same thing in less time and you get a legitimate laugh out of the experience.

What I found most astounding was the fact that I while was watching some of these conversations take place, i.e.: “I can’t tell him I love him and only married his brother because I don’t deserve to be happy even though I know he loves me too.” I was yelling at the television: “Your mother’s a psychiatrist for the gods' sake! Do you think you might have sought some counseling before marrying the wrong man…AGAIN??!!!”

Now who needs the counseling?

Rainy Day

I’m sure that there are a number of people who find rainy days depressing. I enjoy them most of the time. I don’t like dark, cold, rainy, winter days but I look forward to days like this.

It’s been grey and rainy all morning. A perfect start to a mysterious, misty day. A good day for reading, watching movies or just being quiet and listening to the water hit the leaves on the trees. My house is perfect for these activities because I have lots of windows and they are always open

I’m just going to sit in perfect grey light. It’s the kind of light that reminds me of that state of being between wakefulness and sleep. That twilight of consciousness that makes you think that anything can happen and real magic is possible.

Maybe something magical will happen today...

Uncomfortable Situation

Last Friday I went out on a date with this man I met at the MDFF. We had been out after the show once and this time it was what I would constitute a “real” date. (I wore a skirt and everything)

I had fun and he’s a very nice guy. And I don’t mean that in any other way than n-i-c-e. When you are in your 40s and dating, “nice” is something you look for in a man. Anyway, he’s very nice, solicitous and probably a little nervous. This is something I take into consideration when deciding whether or not to go out with someone again.

My decision was to not go out with him again for various reasons, but the primary reason is that I’m simply not attracted to him romantically and I don’t see the point in prolonging the agony. (A couple of my friends made the comment that he “really likes” me.)

I’m determined to behave like a grownup and let him know instead of acting like a teenager. The question is: do I tell him over the phone? Do I meet him for coffee and then tell him? How does one do this, since I’ve never done this before? I tried asking E’s advice, but he was no help, telling me that the way most “girls” do it is to avoid they guy until he gives up. That’s not my style…anymore.

Needless to say, the gods are working to make me face my fears without delay. As I walked out of work today he just happened to be passing by—I know, it seems a little stalker-y, but it makes sense since I was the one to show him where there were parking spaces downtown that were usually open around 6 and they happen to be near my building—He asked me if I wanted to join him. I said no.

Then he asked me if I wanted to go out with him again.

Me: Oh, poop. This is not how I wanted to tell him this and for goodness sake, we’re standing in an alley. “Uh, no.”

Him: “Do you mind me asking why?”

Me: Yikes! “To tell you the truth, I’m just not attracted to you romantically. Babble, babble babble…Nice guy, babble babble.” Argh!

Him: “Well, I’ll leave it up to you, then if you want to hang out, just call me.”

See? Nice.

Me: “Uh, okay. I’ll see you around”

At which time, I practically ran to my car.

The World's Cutest One Year Old

He is too adorable and will be one on Saturday.

In then News

I heard about the thwarted terrorist attack this morning while I was still half asleep. I woke up enough to hear that nothing went "BOOM" and there was no one hurt and that it's going to be absolutely no fun to travel in England or the US today.

My thought? YEAH! Those Brits are on the ball and we everything's okay for now.

What was on the 10 o'clock news? How many people COULD have died. How awful it COULD have been.

Sometimes I feel that the media is its own kind of terrorist machine. When a child falls down and isn't hurt, sometimes the adults panic and ask the child if it's okay and try desperately to reassure the child that it's fine. (I think it's to assuage parental guilt. I'm not a parent, though, so I don't know). But the child sees that everyone is upset and gets scared starts crying--sometimes screaming--because he feels he ought to and all these big people are scared, too...but the kid doesn't know why.

All I know is that I'm glad I don't have to worry about planes falling out of the sky today and I'm thankful that there are people who know what to look out for. I will not spend my time worrying about what MIGHT have happened or what COULD have happened.

Oh and I met Harry Anderson today. He's thinking of moving to Asheville. Then we'll have two celebrities in town. Him and Andie MacDowell.

I hate to admit it

but Family Guy makes me laugh out loud.

BREATHE...

and Keep your mouth shut.

Two words of advice I gave myself on my first day of directing Keep on the Sunny Side.

Renovation Revelations

While I was pulling out carpet (and all those staples and little tacks they use to keep it down) today I had a personal revelation. I tend to create a mess so I can clean it up. Okay, so it’s not really a revelation. I’ve know this since 1986, but I conveniently forget that I know it and go along blithely messing things up so that I can be the one to fix the “problem”. Very codependent of me, don't you think?

Today was the perfect demonstration of how I make my surroundings reflect the way I feel. I’m a little adrift at the moment. Work is slow to non-existent and I’ve let the house get away from me. So, instead of cleaning up the messy house, I plunge into another project so that I have an excuse for the messy part. Very clever of me, huh? And, now that I am aware that I feel “messy” inside I have to take responsibility for it and do something about it.

Damnit!!!

Whoever said, “Ignorance is bliss,” is absolutely correct.

Out of the Mouths of Babes (or Morbid Humor)

4-year old: "Aunt Connie, I'm going to get you a new dog and she's going to be a Carmen Dog."
Me: "That's sweet, honey. Thank you."
4-year old: "You better not kill this one."

At the time, I tried to explain to her that I had to because she was sick and old and wouldn't get any better.

Later I laughed until I peed.

Try And vs. Try To

Pet peeve:

Hearing or reading, "I'll try AND do..." Instead of "I'll try TO do..."

If you thought you could accomplish something then why not just say, "I'll do it."
If you thought you may not be able to accomplish something but will give it a good try then say, "I'll try to do it. "

"I'll try and do it" is two different statements. It's like covering all the bases and not actually committing to whatever it is you're going to do. Are you going to do it? Are you going to try? Do you actually know what you are doing?

Are you a TRY AND or a TRY TO?

Grocery Store Observations

I went to the grocery store the other day and there was this woman, obviously harried, shopping with her husband and two kids. Normal, average and everyday, right? No. This woman was a harridan!!! She was yelling at the kids and yelling at her husband as if he was one of the kids. I don’t know about you, but I would be happy that my husband was willing to help with the shopping. This woman acted as if everything that was wrong in the world was his fault. I felt so sorry for both of them. For him because he was obviously trying and all he was getting was humiliated in public and for her because she had no idea how ugly she was behaving. The meddling me wanted to go up to her and tell her to lighten up. The shopping will get done and if she treated her husband and children with a little more respect then it wouldn’t be such a trial. Alas, I didn’t. But it does make me realize how idiotic and small people (even I) look when taking out internal frustrations on the ones we love. I vow to be more in tune to that and to not do it again.

During that same trip to the store I happened to get the cashier who was at the end of her shift and was tired and brain-fried. I purchased 18 items and came home with 8 bags. I really don’t like it when they put one or two items in a bag. It’s such a waste. I guess they think they are doing it to make the bags light. Or because they don’t want to think about it. But, hey, the apples are already in a bag. Do we need to bag the stuff that’s already bagged? Then there was the bag she wrapped around the salmon before starting to put it in its very own bag. Now this was a ½ lb piece of fish that was wrapped in plastic and then wrapped in a bag that she was going to put in a bag by itself!! Argh!!! All it takes is a little thought and you can group things together that will keep the bag standing (sort of) upright and still get more than two items in each bag. Like, instead of putting both the carton o f ½ & ½ and the milk in one bag, she could have given each its own bag and then filled in around it. I was hungry and was aware I was in a bad mood (the wretched mom/wife didn’t do anything to bolster my mood) so I didn’t comment about it. I think that I would have received a blank stare or maybe even tears. Next time there isn’t a nice young man to bag my groceries, I’m gonna do it myself. And why aren’t there any stores in Asheville that let you bag for yourself?

No dancing in the peanut butter aisle for me this time.

I Miss My Dog

It's been a while....
I fell into a little slump for a while there. I think that it was just sinking in that Carmen was gone and I had to deal with that. It sucks to lose a pet. (And in my grief my vocabulary sinks to the basest of levels. ) It sucks to lose any one or thing that is dear. Luckily, there are many pets around so I at least get in a good scratching every couple of days. I know that I will get another dog sometime, but I don't know when. Maybe a Standard Poodle or a Pomeranian. I haven't decided whether it's time for me to become the wacky aunt with the dogs in her purse. Hell, I have everything else in my purse, why not dogs?

Which reminds me...I need a new purse.

Oh!...I'm a Girl!!!!!

This exclamation came out of my mouth this afternoon. It was very much a revelation at the time. Let me explain:

You see, I have been racking my brain to try to figure out why in the world it is so difficult for me to fly pipes out at the theatre. I mean, I know I’m not in the best of shape, but I don’t have any trouble flying things in as long as they’re weighted properly. (Just so you know, you pull down either way you want the pipe to go. If you want it to go out you pull down on the front rope; out, the back rope.­) so the weight is not the problem.

Finally, today, E, J & I were flying something out simultaneously and it happened again. The damned thing felt like it weighed a ton. My instinct was to jump on to the rail and haul from there since I had room. Voila! I could haul out the pipe just as easily while standing on the rail as I could haul in something standing on the floor. But I still didn’t know why. So, while the boys were working on putting more weight on the arbor it hit me: I’M A GIRL!!!! The boys looked at me and said, “Yes, you are. Were you confused about that?”

“No, my center of gravity is lower and since I have to reach to fly something out, I don’t have the same strength to do it as you guys!”

Yay! Problem solved. Now I have to figure out how to squeeze myself in a space of about 18 inches in order to work the fly rail. I’m sure it will come in the same kind of flash that my knowledge of my gender will.

Growing Up.....at 40

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m teaching myself to play the guitar. I have been working diligently for the past few weeks to get at least one song down so that I feel comfortable playing it in front of another human being. It’s nothing big or great, but it’s an accomplishment for me.

Anyway, that day came yesterday when my dad asked if I had learned to play.

“Yes, I have learned a song, Daddy. Would you like to hear it?”

“Why sure.”

So I get the guitar and I proceed to play Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver but made popular by The Mamas and the Papas. Now, I have been awake for all of 20 minutes and still haven’t had any coffee but I played the song (simple chording and strumming) all the way through without any mistakes except that I forgot the lyrics once. I was pretty proud of myself. I even finished with a little flourish on a G-chord. I looked at Dad expecting something like, “Well that’s not bad,” or maybe even a “That was pretty good. How long have you been working on that?” What did I get from him? I got:

“You really need to work on your voice, I could barely hear you.” And then he said, “You were just playing chords there, weren’t you.”

I could have smashed the guitar over his head.

Instead, I just laughed to myself.

Why did I title this entry “Growing Up”? I won’t go into all the psychological details, but believe me, caring what my father thinks of me has been something I’ve struggled with for all of my life.

Yesterday, it didn’t matter. I realized that his comments were a result of the tapes that play in his head and that what he says, most of the time, has absolutely nothing to do with me, my accomplishments or what I think of myself.

So, I’m growing up little by little and choosing who I am every day. Some days I might choose to be the 5-year old, but it’s better to be able to choose it instead of it choosing me.

In Memoriam

Today I had to make one of the toughest decisions of my life. I had to decide whether or not the quality of life my sweet dog would have would be worth what I would have to do in order to keep her around a little longer. I decided that she deserved my love, gratitude and respect enough to let her go.

I did.

And she went peaceably and humanely with me holding her, telling her how good she is and how much I love her. I will miss her sorely and it will take me a while to recover. But it is for the best.

I love you, my dear Carmen. Thank you for the years you gave me and for all you have taught me.

Resonance

I recently picked up the guitar again and I had a moment where I understood why people love it so much. I don’t remember what the chord was, but I struck it and struck it loud. There was a vibration that went through me and made it all clear. It’s not something I can really explain except that it was “right” and peaceful.

I liken it to learning to fish. It’s very Zen to cast the line, think like a worm, think like a fish and continuously reel in the line. I didn’t even catch a fish that first day but it became obvious why my brothers were so preoccupied with it.

Now I understand why Gregorian Chant and Tibetan Bells and Mantras are what they are. They give us a resonance to focus on, a recollection of spiritual vibration, so that all else can fall away and we can see the Light that we are.

Courage

This is what I would call courage:

Seeing a woman who obviously has breast cancer wear a dress that shows her mastectomy scar. Her name is Charlotte Matthews and she is a poet. Her latest collection is called Green Stars. I saw her at a poetry reading at Malaprops last week and her publisher said that she has continued to write through the cancer and is quite ill.

Actual Conversation

Him: So you were in Greece with Chris.

Me: No, I've never been out of the country.

Him: No, I meant the musical, Grease!

Me: Oh... yes. I was.

Now let me tell you that I was in that play with Chris in 1984. Would you have made the connection?

I wonder, sometimes, why is it that we have to place people in context so that we know how to talk to them? Can we not try to connect with them in the here and now instead of putting them on a point in the past and then figuring how they fit now?

Sensible Shoes

Only in Asheville and only at a UU Church (Except, maybe Jubilee) will you find so many women under 50 wearing sensible shoes. It’s wonderful to see. People here “do church” for the reason of hearing a message that may help them on their personal journey. There is no judgment, no dress code.

Today we had a guest speaker who teaches meditation and Buddhism as a philosophy, not necessarily a “religion.” It’s incredible to have 200 people being silent and meditating together. The energy that surrounds such an event is awe inspiring and simultaneously energizing and peaceful.

Interpretations

I was thinking about something that someone said yesterday that struck me as a little absurd. It was something to the effect of “Even though it sounds like I’m approaching this from a purely egocentric place, I really don’t mean it that way.” My thought was, “If it sounds like you’re approaching this from an egocentric place, how are we supposed to know that it’s not?” How can a person not be misinterpreted in that situation?

This is a subject that is very close to me. I have only fairly recently learned that I don’t actually listen to the words that are coming out of a person’s mouth, but am taking signals from all over the place. As a result, I end up misinterpreting what is being said because what I SEE is not what I am HEARING and I will automatically opt for what I SEE.

I think this may be one reason that a college roommate was concerned for my hearing. She was majoring in Deaf Studies and was teaching me sign language. While I was an absolute beginner in signing, I was better than a beginner in reading sign. She told me to get my hearing checked because I shouldn’t be that strong of a reader and that my lip reading skills were better than the average hearing person. I did. My hearing was fine—except for some low tone loss in one ear due to using a shotgun without ear protection.

So, how does one know if he or she is interpreting the correct thing? What if the person we are listening to doesn’t know that he or she is projecting something other than what they are saying? What do we “listen” to?

An interesting exercise…

Friends with a Mountain Girl

…why these mountain people were shy with strangers. They had never
learned the citified arts of hiding feeling or of smiling when the heart was
cold. Friendship was dangerous to them because they had built up not
protection against it. Once they let you in it must be into the deep
places of the heart….

…The mountain type of friendship was a tie of substance between people with a sort of gallant fealty about it. It had to do with a time in the past when there was no more final bond than a man’s pledged word; when every connection of blood and family was firm and strong, forged in the past, stretching into the future.

And so this kind of friendship was for life—yes, and for eternity, too. One would never deceive or defraud a friend, not allow him to be in need so long as you had one coin, one garment, or one meal to share with him. His sorrow was your sorrow; his joy, your cause for rejoicing too.
~~Catherine Marshall

Being back with my family and all that it is to be part of a proud mountain clan has it's own meaning in the world. Some may think that we are redneck, ignorant, or just plain dumb. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Sure, we have our redneck moments: I think there are at least 3 non-working vehicles and a boat on the property right now, but I can always count on a good Sunday Dinner and someone to show me how to use a weed eater. We love each other fiercely and with a loyalty that can't be matched. To be called friend and to be brought into the fold is an honor of the highest regard. If you are my friend, you are friend to the entire family and all will gladly give you anything you need in the name of that friendship.

Saturday on the Ranch

Family. You gotta love them.
It’s a typical Saturday evening at the Silver Compound.

Travis has a girlfriend over at his apartment. I just heard that rumor. I didn’t see her, but Chris, Michael and Bill did. Evidently, she’s a real looker.

They all had to tell me this after I inquired as to whose Kia that was in the parking space.

Bill is washing his boat. With the Pressure Washer

Michael and Chris are working on the race car—it has a new engine in it.

I’m mowing the lawn.

Engines are whirring, purring and rumbling all over the hill.

Bill had the audacity to ask me if I knew how to use a socket wrench. I almost threw it at him.

I would like for it to be quiet now.

Healing

Here is a journal entry from Christmas 2002.

Feeling of the day: actually, it is the emotion of from the week before. I had this dream last Sunday (my birthday) that was a theatre anxiety dream (my dreams are such wonderful tools for me to see what I’m really thinking) and understood that I was anxious about something. In the dream, I was working at Barter again. They had asked me to work there. So I’m there for a couple of days and notice that, although everyone is being courteous, they are not going out of their way to offer any more than they have to. I have a meeting with Rick to talk to him about this, and he mumbles something at me. I have to ask him three times what it is he’s saying and I’m getting a little angry. He finally looks me in the eye and says, “Some of us are ashamed of you.”

I found this on my computer today. It came as quite a shock. It was a dream I had almost 4 years ago and since then I have actually worked at Barter again. Needless to say, nothing like what happened in my dream happened in real life. But I sit here crying. I’m full of emotions today and not only because of this three-and-a-half year old journal entry. One of those feelings is such a deep sadness for the woman who thought so little of herself that she was taking it out on herself even in her dreams. I also feel Joy and Awe. I am so joyous that I have managed to heal myself (with a lot of help) of those feelings of shame and inadequacy and am in awe of the woman who managed to work through them and come out on the other side. What an accomplishment. I’m proud of her and what she has done with herself and her life. I’m proud of myself.

Maniacal Mockingbirds & Night Crowing Roosters

Okay, I think I have it figured out. You see, I have this issue with this mockingbird that sings outside my window all night long. Add to that the confused Rooster across the street and sleep is always difficult in coming. --By the way, it
s 2:30 in the afternoon at present and not a peep out of either one.--While I really can't do anything about the noise except find a shotgun--I guess a BB Gun would be just s as efficient--I have figured out why the Mockingbird sings. It's because of the Rooster! Last night, while I was lying in bed thinking of all the ways you can cook chicken, the Rooster stopped crowing. Lo and behold! The Mockingbird stopped singing. I had a short respite and almost dozed off but then it started again ARGH! What I think is that the Rooster (how he managed to get onto a night schedule I'll never know) wakes up the Mockingbird. This, in turn makes the Mockingbird think he's missed dawn (for the third time that night) and he starts singing like there's no tomorrow. But it's not tomorrow yet!

So, for now, I'll simply be thankful that I live in a place where I can still hear Roosters and Mockingbirds and the traffic on I-26 and just take a nap

Power

I've been checking out this online dating thing for the past couple of months and there is one thing that I have noticed. Most men, or at least the men who are compatible with me, put Power as a turn off. It intrigues me. I really think that they mean that a controlling person is a turn off. Power has a completely different meaning to me. Especially when it is a woman who is powerful. But is that what is a turn-off to men? If a woman is powerful in her woman-ness, is that something that is difficult for a man to understand or to handle? I don't know. Have many men actually known a truly powerful woman? I'm not talking about a woman who is simply wealthy and works at a high-profile (or high-powered) career. Although a powerful woman can be those things. True power comes from a place of compassion and self-awareness with a healthy dose of humility. I think that a truly powerful woman would be attractive to any man....he may not know it, yet.

Welcome

Since I have become a type of voyeur reading other's Blogs, I think it's about time for me to start my own.

Welcome to all who stumble on my rantings. This will be a place where, could you see my hands (and they weren't typing) they would be all over the place because when I become passionate about something I am unable to communicate it without wild flailing and illustrative gestures. You will have to use your imagination.

Here are a few things that I have been contemplating recently and I will elaborate on them in later posts.

Power. What is real power? Is it something to eschew or embrace?

Wealth. Why is it that we are taught that wealth is not a good thing? And how is it that we have brainwashed ourselves to be un-wealthy?

Humility. How does one achieve it?

Stay tuned for answers to these and other questions.