Another Cute Pic of Ella Bella

Anxiety Dreams

It's always so obvious to me when I'm feeling anxious. I have very vivid dreams that leave no room for doubt. I first started understanding them back in 1993 and they were very vivid in '97 when I was going through some major life changes. They have been a compass since.

Today I start rehearsals for Macbeth and have spent the past few days prepping for the rehearsal. I thought I had my ducks in a row until I realized that I lost the keys to the rehearsal hall....I mean LOST. They fell off my keyring sometime between Thursday and yesterday and they can be anywhere.

I will be getting some new keys, but it set in motion my chain of anxiety dreams. This morning I dreamed that I kept stepping on the scales and they kept giving me crazy numbers like 300 or 50. I changed scales and the same thing happened. Suddenly there were tons of scales and none of them would give me a weight that was even remotely close to the actual. It all stems from my fear of giving inaccurate information to my cast and director...I don't want to be the scale that is 200 pound off and, so I strive to find the real answer and in some instances, a ballpark would suffice and would waste less time.

So there! I sometimes look forward to my dreams because they tell me what is going on in my head, really, instead of what I think is going on in there.

Hey! It's cheaper than therapy!

I Did It!!!

I hiked the Mt. Pisgah trail today in 1.5 hours! Woo Hoo! It took me 40 minutes to get to the top, I stayed for 10 minutes and then it took 40 minutes to get back down...but I stopped to take pics along the way. I'll post them soon.

In case you're wondering, the hike is 3 miles round-trip with an elevation rise of 750 feet in 1.5 miles. Some times it felt like climbing stairs instead of hiking a trail.

I'm really proud of myself and it reminded me how much I love to hike...especially when I'm not on a deadline.

Finally!

I have my car back. It's doing well. I still have to get a few things checked out once I get a few miles on the new engine. But it's mine and I can drive it and park it and do whatever I want to in it. Woo Hoo! Since this engine has only 13,000 miles on it, I should be able to drive it a good, long while, giving me time to save up for a Subaru Forrester or Outback.

Please Help

Sometimes I Feel Like This

Past Love, Old Songs

Have you ever associated a song with a particular person? Possibly that person is someone you fell in love with. And now you are no longer with that person. What happens to the song? I just heard a song that my ex-husband used to play for me. I was surprised at the feeling I had. Before this, I associated that song with him and all that was bad between us; the times he wasn’t there for me, the times that he acted out instead of talked to me, the time he left and never came back.

Today I heard the song, “You’re My Best Friend” and I’m able to look past the bad and see it for the sweet gesture that it was at the time. He loved me as best he could and showed his love in the only way he knew how. I guess I must be growing up. I can now look back on my marriage and see it not as a failure but as an experience that, although painful at the end, I now count as a valuable and worthwhile part of my life.

And I can hear that song and smile.