Connection

One of the miracles of working with RBD (Remarkable Body Development) is that, through coaching, I am learning to stretch out of my comfort zone and create lots of things in my life that I didn't even know I was lacking. One of those things is connection. I have hidden, in one way or another, from people in my life and, as a result, don't often make real, solid relationships. Connecting is really scary for me. I've never really had it (even with family) and, at 42 years old, have decided that I don't want to live my life without it anymore.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a colleague and put myself out there and asked him if the next time he went hiking would he give me a call. I needed a hiking buddy. I had realized that I was choosing to not do something I wanted to do (Hiking) because I made up the story that no one would want to spend time with me. I know it sounds silly but it was a difficult thing, really, and because it was difficult, I felt stupid & foolish. But it was because I felt stupid & foolish at just the thought of asking for a hiking buddy that I knew I had to do it anyway, regardless of the outcome. And the outcome is that, once our schedules mesh, we will go out hiking.

yay me

Easter Pics of Ella & Me

Real Words

Overheard at a playground while walking Sash yesterday:

"And I told her, if she falls, just leave her!"

Of course it loses something in the translation since there is no way to accurately depict the accent of the person who uttered those words, suffice it to say that she was a good ol' Mountain Woman.

It brought to mind the times my mother would find me in the top of a tree or in the highest loft of the barn and would say to me, "I'll beat the living daylights out of you if you fall!"

I never fell

When it Rains it Pours

Sash is doing better, but I am 90% positive that she has injured her cruciate ligament. That means surgery. Yikes! And I just looked up a pet insurance policy that, had I taken out insurance on her, I would have saved about $200. But, I feel better because the surgery she will need isn't covered. Kind of a backward positive there, huh?

I can't seem to catch a break this week. First the car maintenance was more than I thought it would be, then Sash gets hurt. Okay, I can deal with those things. Then I'm at wort at the Box Office and my co-worker has to go away for a doctor's appointment. It's fairly slow and, of course I'll be okay by myself. Well, no sooner did he leave than I had 12 people lined up to purchase tickets and 4 lines lit up mostly with older people who don't know if they want to come to the show and could I tell them more about it.....

"What are the seats like on Sunday? Thursday? I can't hear you there's something noisy in the background."

"Yes, Sir. that's the screaming kid that REALLY wants to go to the Health Adventure, but I can't sell his mom a ticket because you have to repeat everything I say to your wife and you still don't trust me that the best seats I have are on Saturday at 2:00."

Then I get to the parking lot only to find that my car has been towed. I forgot to put the parking tag back in my car after it was in the shop. &40 later....but it was better than the $150 that it could have been.

I'm at the show and things are going well...I'm glad about that, but my head starts to fall off....suddenly, my sinuses started to ache and I was getting sick again. YUCK!

I fight off the Ick as best I can and feel good enough to clean up my kitchen this morning....as I'm letting out the water in the sink, I hear this strange "CLUNK"

Hmmmm I wonder what that noise was?

I look down and the floor is covered with water. Evidently, the pipe that connects the second sink to the main drain decided it just had to give up. It had been holding on by a thread for far too long and today was the day it just couldn't take it. A sink full of dirty dishwater dumped into the cabinet underneath and all over everything. I just had to laugh.

It was an easy fix....the ill-fitting pipe just went back to where it was and was tightened.....it's now working the same as it was before. I just have to keep an eye on it.

ARGH!

Pets & Vets

Well, it happened today. Sash got away from me at home and got hurt. I don't think she was hit by a car, it looks more as if she tangled with something. Three of her legs have puncture wounds, scrapes or cuts and she can't put weight on the fourth. I found her limping up the road. I saw the blood and immediately took her to the vet.

By the way, All Pets Animal Hospital in Woodfin is a great place to take your pet. I didn't even call, I just walked in, told them about her and she was X-rayed, examined, morphined and ready to go home in an hour.

Nothing showed up on the X-ray, so we don't think anything is broken, but if she doesn't start putting weight on the back leg in a couple of days, I have to take her back for more extensive tests.

Right now, she's doped up on Morphine and sleeping in the doorway. She really wanted to go upstairs where she usually sleeps but couldn't climb the stairs. Poor thing. I wasn't going to help her up because that would mean that I would have to help her down. Now, while I'm in pretty good shape, I don't want to make a habit of carrying a 60 pound dog up and down the stairs. So now she has to be content with sleeping downstairs---at least until I go to bed tonight.

I'll keep posting her progress. Send good thoughts.

Being Sick Taught me a Lesson

I tell you what, being sick during tech sure does humble a person. I had to actually ask for help and accept I could do only what I could do and it would be good enough. I also learned that allowing myself to be vulnerable was okay and that no one was judging me for letting them know that I was not at 100%. So, even though I was feeling really crappy, we still had what I think was a relatively painless tech process.

First, there was the 3-way Switch

And now is the remote control.

You may or may not recall how, about 2 years ago, I replaced a 3-way switch in my kitchen that both my dad and my brother were afraid of. Today, I just fixed the remote control for the ceiling fan/light in my bedroom. It was really easy. All I had to do was take apart the remote, clean the contacts and put it back together. Now I can turn on the light and the the ceiling fan in my bedroom---unfortunately, that is the only switching mechanism, so I had to fix it in order to see at night. Yay me! Now the next electronics project is to change the frequency so that when someone turns on the light with one remote downstairs, it doesn't turn on the light in my room....again, an easy fix that requires some light an a screwdriver.

Some days I'm so proud of myself.

Dog Park Pictures

Two drawbacks to having a dog

1. Putting your hand in your coat pocket only to discover that you forgot to throw away the baggie of poo.
2. Toweling off after a shower and suddenly there's a cold, wet nose on your naked bum.

Hibernation Mode

Argh! I'm so cold. My day starts with a 45 minute walk with Sash and today the wind chill was 15 degrees. I felt like I was in St. Louis again. I was walking her in snow flurries! I feel my body saying, "Don't do anything. Just curl up in bed and read. Eat fatty & sugary foods." Well, I'm not eating fatty, sugary foods, if only by virtue that there aren't any in the house, but I've managed to walk Sash twice today, take the car to the dealership to look at a factory recall and to read about 100 pages while lounging on the sofa wearing 2 layers and covered up with the blanket. I feel a little guilty, but I'll be so busy starting next week that I think it's okay to lounge around some this week. At least I get SOME exercise.

Is is Spring, yet?

I've Foud It!

My new favorite television station. It's called Ovation and it's what A&E & Bravo used to be before they went so mainstream.

Each night features a different art form.

Tonight is dance. First up was TAP DOGS and now the Joffrey Ballet is performing to the music of Prince. Talk about hot!

Tomorrow night is about writers; the next is about illustrators and so on.

I guess you can only get it with a satellite service...at least in this area, but if you can find it, I would highly recommend you check it out.



http://www.ovationtv.com/

The Adventures of Connie & Sash

Good Lord! When that dog gets a scent and gets away, there's no telling how long it will take to get her back!

Today I was a the dog park by the river. Sash and I had been there for a good 45 minutes and she had been romping around with other dogs. She likes to go to the gate when people (and dogs) are arriving and leaving. The system, or so I thought, is fail safe. You see, there's an ante-pen where you take the leash off your dog and then the main pen where they all run. Both have gates. A pet owner should open one gate, go through, and make sure that the first gate is closed before opening the the second gate. Well, as I found out, the fail safe only works, IF you close the gates. There was a person there with her dog and her daughter. She certainly wasn't paying attention and seemed to care less about her dog or really want to have anything to do with anyone there. As she was leaving, she got her dog and daughter into the ante-pen, leaving the gate to the main pen open. As soon as she opened the 2nd gate, Sash, being the crafty dog she is, took advantage of the situation and made a break for it. I'm pretty pissed off at the other lady...she didn't even seem horrified that she's let my dog out. I was appalled.

But I didn't have time for that. I had to get my dog to come to me....FAT Chance. She was free and had a scent. I was scared to death that she'd get away and I'd never get her back. All sorts of scenarios ran through my head: She gets tangled up and I can't find her, she gets completely away and is hit by a car in a strange neighborhood, how am I supposed to tell the Humane Society that I lost her and to look out for her? Things like that.

I followed her on the trail onto some private property that led to god knows where. Sometimes she would pause long enough for me to catch up with her and then she'd take off again. I wasn't running (I don't run) after her, that would only increase the chances that she would keep running.

When the brush got so bad that I wouldn't be able to follow, I was heartbroken. She was nowhere in sight, I couldn't hear her at all and it was FREAKIN' COLD! I had just decided to head back and wait for her at least until it got dark when BOOM! Here she comes bounding out of the tall brush just like the last scene of HOMEWARD BOUND. Happy to see me and looking like she was laughing.

I was so relieved. We walked the half-mile back to the park. I let her run around in there for a couple of more minutes--until she discovered she could jump the fence into the ante-pen--then I decided it was time to leave.

Tomorrow we work on "come".

I don't give a BLEEP

Okay, who are the censors and why would they bleep out the word "damn" when the word "dam" was uttered at least 15 times before the statement "I don't give a damn."? I found it very strange.

Let me clarify. I was watching Orangutan Island and a commercial came on were celebrities were talking about beavers building dams; how industrious they are, how they build dams overnight, how we should send them to Iraq to help rebuild. The final statement was referring to the beavers' attitude: "I'm going to build this dam and I don't give a BLEEP. It's just a word, for goodness' sake! It's a word that has been uttered on TV a bajillion times. Why bleep it and who decides that that particular Damn gets the ax? I just don't get it.

Meet Sash

I made up my mind today. After careful consideration, I realized that one of the things that I loved about Carmen was that she was a Cat in a Dog Suit. She didn't require too much attention, she was aloof, she was very sweet, but not what I would call "Friendly". She was one that I could leave alone for 12 hours and she'd be okay with that (I didn't do that often) and I need a dog that will be the same way, but without Carmen's negative traits (I never trusted her around children or people whom she wasn't used to).

So here is Sash. She is in my house, I haven't heard a peep out of her and she's upstairs now in here crate of her own volition. Well, I just checked. She's not IN the crate; she's NEAR the crate (That's where she'll sleep and I'll keep her there when I'm gone). I think it will take some time for us to bond, but I have a few days this week, so we can get on a schedule of waking up and feeding and walking. I'm really glad to have her and while it will be an adjustment for both of us, I know that I have the perfect dog for me.

NC STAGE

Hans Meyer








Just wanted to screw with your Automatic Google Search, Hans. Happy New Year!

Giving myself a break

I've been obsessing over the dog thing all day. I've managed to write a blog post and fill 4 pages in my journal over it (and it's a BIG journal) and I've come to the realization that I had unrealistic expectations about how today was going to go. It hit me pretty squarely: I spent 10 hours looking for a dress, for goodness sake, what makes me think that I can find a good pet in two hours? How silly is that? So I will continue on my dog search and be content in the knowledge that I will find the right dog for me when it's the right time.

Sometimes I sound like a grown-up....scary.

Today's the day I get a dog

...or at least I thought so. It was not the case, though. I decided that I'm ready to get a dog and, since I have some down time this week, today would be the perfect day to go to the shelter and come home with a new companion.

I woke up excited an a little nervous at the prospect. I found Carmen's old dishes and discovered that I still had 6 months of her heart worm/flea/tick medicine. I set up the dishes--they're the kind that sit off of the floor so that it's easier for the dog to eat. And I cleaned out the back of my car in anticipation of the new dog riding back there.

Off I went to the Animal Shelter. I had looked at a bunch of these dogs online and was anticipating meeting them in person. Surely one of these sweet dogs would be perfect for me.

I met Sash first. She is a reserved greyhound mix. She's so reserved, though, that she hardly paid any attention to me. Not a very excited dog whatsoever. I mean I would like a dog who at least seemed happy to see me...she is very sweet, though and good with people and other dogs. I just wasn't excited about her. And she wasn't excited about me.

Next was a black lab (by the way, I'm looking at adult and young dogs, I don't want a puppy)who was just under 2 years old...WAY too much dog for me. Really excited and would be perfect for someone with a fenced yard and 3 kids.

There were a couple of other dogs; Gregor, a hound mix who had the right amount of playfulness and independence that would work well for me, and Cane. Cane is an absolutely beautiful Pit Bull Terrier who, while he's still young, responds very well to commands and his training. He would be a great dog to take on hikes and to play fetch with. But am I really the person who would play fetch every day? I'm not sure.

Believe it or not, it has been an extremely emotional day for me. I thought I was coming home with a new pet, but in the process of finding the right one, I found that I may not be ready for a new dog just yet. I'm aware of the responsibility of owning a dog. I'm rescuing a dog from the pound and, therefore, if it is not a good fit, I would feel very guilty about returning the dog if I needed to.

Am I ready to replace Carmen? I didn't realize it at until today that Carmen was the first dog that was truly mine. My responsibility, my friend and companion that got me through some tough times. The idea of having another dog in my house that's not Carmen is upsetting. And, the good lord willing, I will outlive this next dog. Can I face the prospect of having another pet die or be put to sleep? I understand now why my dad would get so upset when I brought a pet home when I was a kid...he couldn't stand the idea of having a pet die. It would make him so angry. I don't think I'm like my dad in that way, but I do understand it now.

So I don't have a new dog today. I've gone to the pet store to price crates and I've gone to the library to get a couple of books on dog behavior. I'm scared, really. I'm making a commitment and taking on a responsibility that I take very seriously. My last pet relationship lasted 4 years longer than my marriage did. That should tell you something.

Holiday Pics

Aunt C & Ella Bella


Family Portrait
My Three Brothers, my sister & me



Boy! You can tell we're related!

Winter Solstice

My Mom's Christmas Cactus was in full bloom this week; its pink blossoms a reminder of the Spring to come.

Happy Solstice!

Aunt Connie's Cyber Cafe

Since my house is the only one with wireless internet, at the holidays, my dining room table becomes the local cyber cafe.

That's my 15 year old nephew, Dylan & my 33 year old nephew-in-law Will.