Most of the time....Especially last Friday.
Even though it had been a hard week of 10 am Student Matinees on top of regular work at the theatre, and I was in the theatre on Friday from 8:30 am to Midnight, it was all worth it because I was backstage for the Alison Brown concert. DAMN! That woman can play the banjo! She and her quartet put on a great show and I got paid to listen to it. Who could have a better job than me?
Well, it gets better when I'm backstage for a ballet with live music. Beautiful dancers, beautiful choreography and kick-ass music. What more can a girl want?
24 September 2006
04 September 2006
WalMart on Labor Day
It's like Disneyworld gone bad.
I did, however, watch a little boy pick out a toy that he was able to buy with his own allowance money. He couldn't have been more than 5 and he jumped up and down laughing and clapping about his new toy bow and arrow set. I looked at his mom and said, "I wish I could get that excited over something that only cost $4." But I guess I could get excited over things that cost $4. Ice cream in the dipped waffle cone. A good cup of cappuchino. Refills on the regular coffee. A mug from the Goodwill store that shows a friend thought of me while away.
But there is one thing that bugs me:
I saw yet another one of those cling things that people are putting in the windows of their trucks and SUVs. You know the ones, they have a cross or a rose with the words, "In Memory of Little Jimmy--1986-2006." I don't understand this new custom. It's as if the person bought a new vehicle and dedicated it to the memory of the dearly departed. It's akin to crosses on the Christmas tree. I understand wanting to show your faith and reminding yourself (and others) that the Holidays are about celebrating Christ. But is a torture device an appropriate way to celebrate a birth? In the same way, I think people would like to express their grief over the death of (usually) a young life. But is it appropriate to advertise it on your truck? I don't know. I think that it's just another way to capitalize on people's grief.
Maybe we should bring back the tradition of wearing black for a year following the death of a family member.
I did, however, watch a little boy pick out a toy that he was able to buy with his own allowance money. He couldn't have been more than 5 and he jumped up and down laughing and clapping about his new toy bow and arrow set. I looked at his mom and said, "I wish I could get that excited over something that only cost $4." But I guess I could get excited over things that cost $4. Ice cream in the dipped waffle cone. A good cup of cappuchino. Refills on the regular coffee. A mug from the Goodwill store that shows a friend thought of me while away.
But there is one thing that bugs me:
I saw yet another one of those cling things that people are putting in the windows of their trucks and SUVs. You know the ones, they have a cross or a rose with the words, "In Memory of Little Jimmy--1986-2006." I don't understand this new custom. It's as if the person bought a new vehicle and dedicated it to the memory of the dearly departed. It's akin to crosses on the Christmas tree. I understand wanting to show your faith and reminding yourself (and others) that the Holidays are about celebrating Christ. But is a torture device an appropriate way to celebrate a birth? In the same way, I think people would like to express their grief over the death of (usually) a young life. But is it appropriate to advertise it on your truck? I don't know. I think that it's just another way to capitalize on people's grief.
Maybe we should bring back the tradition of wearing black for a year following the death of a family member.
02 September 2006
Good News!!!!
I found out today that one of my nieces is due in March!!!! Yay! I'm going to be a great-aunt again!
Stubbornness or Patience?
This is a very long story. I will try to make it short without leaving out pertinent information.
I ordered Dish Network on August 21st. The first day that they can install it is on Saturday August 26th. I get a call on August 23 asking if they can install it that day. Yes you can but I have to leave to go to work at 5:00.
The tech comes out and does his best to install the stuff in the time allotted. That's okay, you can come out on Saturday, the day I originally scheduled the appointment and finish.
Saturday comes and it's 3:00pm. No Tech, no call, no nothing. I call Dish Network to find out what's going on. They say that I don't have an appointment. I'm not happy, but I make another appointment for the next Saturday--Today
So now it's Saturday and I call to make sure that the appointment still stands. It does.
The Tech arrives around 3:00pm takes a look around and, after getting on top of the roof to take a look at the dish and the next think I know, he's packing up. He's not able to complete the install because it was a different company that was here last week and he can't take on the responsibility of finishing something that another company started.
He advised me to call Dish, get them on the case of getting my install completed and to get the phone number of the original install company and call them and tell them to get here ASAP and make sure a Field Supervisor comes to complete the job.
I do what he says--Call Dish Network and tell them what's going on. They were great about it and gave me the number of the company.
I called the company fully expecting that there would be a message saying that they were closed. No, they are open from 8 to 7 seven days a week. Yay! I might be able to take care of this! But no, I was on hold for, literally, 50 minutes. After the first half-hour I called on my cell phone, too. So I was on hold for a total of 100 minutes---Stubborn or Patient?
To finish off the story--at least as far as it goes today--I called Dish and asked them to try the company and make me another appt. to get them out here to complete the job. So I have another appointment for next week and 2 free months of service---once I get the service.
I ordered Dish Network on August 21st. The first day that they can install it is on Saturday August 26th. I get a call on August 23 asking if they can install it that day. Yes you can but I have to leave to go to work at 5:00.
The tech comes out and does his best to install the stuff in the time allotted. That's okay, you can come out on Saturday, the day I originally scheduled the appointment and finish.
Saturday comes and it's 3:00pm. No Tech, no call, no nothing. I call Dish Network to find out what's going on. They say that I don't have an appointment. I'm not happy, but I make another appointment for the next Saturday--Today
So now it's Saturday and I call to make sure that the appointment still stands. It does.
The Tech arrives around 3:00pm takes a look around and, after getting on top of the roof to take a look at the dish and the next think I know, he's packing up. He's not able to complete the install because it was a different company that was here last week and he can't take on the responsibility of finishing something that another company started.
He advised me to call Dish, get them on the case of getting my install completed and to get the phone number of the original install company and call them and tell them to get here ASAP and make sure a Field Supervisor comes to complete the job.
I do what he says--Call Dish Network and tell them what's going on. They were great about it and gave me the number of the company.
I called the company fully expecting that there would be a message saying that they were closed. No, they are open from 8 to 7 seven days a week. Yay! I might be able to take care of this! But no, I was on hold for, literally, 50 minutes. After the first half-hour I called on my cell phone, too. So I was on hold for a total of 100 minutes---Stubborn or Patient?
To finish off the story--at least as far as it goes today--I called Dish and asked them to try the company and make me another appt. to get them out here to complete the job. So I have another appointment for next week and 2 free months of service---once I get the service.
01 September 2006
Bad Acting, Bad Writing and Poor Communication Practices
I have had more time off the past few months than I care for. I have filled that time with doing stuff around my house, working on my resume and watching TV. I had developed a routine for myself that included watching TV while I ate my lunch. Since I don’t have cable, my daytime television viewing is limited…VERY LIMITED. So, I decided to choose, albeit with not much thought, to watch a little of the soap opera, Days of Our Lives. I chose Days because it came on while I ate my lunch and it was a soap I used to follow when I was a teenager.
In the early ‘80s, (when I was a teen) the drama of the stories were so exciting (my grandma got me hooked on General Hospital when I was a toddler) and the people were SO Glamorous!!!! I wanted to look like them and be like them, which is further proof that teenagers don’t know squat! Now it’s over 20 years later and I find myself hooked again. Only this time it’s for different reasons.
This show makes me laugh!
I was watching the other day while I was weaving a seat for my dining room chair—yes, I really was weaving a seat—and messed up 3 rows because I was laughing so much. The first thing that I thought was funny was that all the characters were familiar to me and either they or their children were going through the same traumas that they had 20 years ago.
Here are some of the traumas:
-Infidelity
-Who’s the real father of the baby?
-I married a man I didn’t love so that my sister could have the man I love and she really loves my husband
-I thought he was dead and now he’s back, but I’m married to his arch-nemesis but carrying my "dead" husband's baby
-The DNA of my baby shows that a man I never slept with (I think) is the father
-There’s a stalker on the loose and he (or she) is targeting my entire family because we are more important than presidents or governors, kings or queens
In the early ‘80s, (when I was a teen) the drama of the stories were so exciting (my grandma got me hooked on General Hospital when I was a toddler) and the people were SO Glamorous!!!! I wanted to look like them and be like them, which is further proof that teenagers don’t know squat! Now it’s over 20 years later and I find myself hooked again. Only this time it’s for different reasons.
This show makes me laugh!
I was watching the other day while I was weaving a seat for my dining room chair—yes, I really was weaving a seat—and messed up 3 rows because I was laughing so much. The first thing that I thought was funny was that all the characters were familiar to me and either they or their children were going through the same traumas that they had 20 years ago.
Here are some of the traumas:
-Infidelity
-Who’s the real father of the baby?
-I married a man I didn’t love so that my sister could have the man I love and she really loves my husband
-I thought he was dead and now he’s back, but I’m married to his arch-nemesis but carrying my "dead" husband's baby
-The DNA of my baby shows that a man I never slept with (I think) is the father
-There’s a stalker on the loose and he (or she) is targeting my entire family because we are more important than presidents or governors, kings or queens
One question: Most of the people on this show are doctors. You would think that at least a few of the women on the show would learn how to use contraceptives!
Then there is the bad acting. Now I’m not saying that these ladies and gentlemen are bad actors, but, for the most part they are put into situations where the acting can’t help but be bad. I actually saw a Soap Opera Eyebrow Raise the other day. The poor actor walked into a room and someone asked him what he was doing there and then there was a tight shot on his face, the eyebrow raise ( I may have heard a vibraphone in the background) and then cut to commercial.
Last but not least, the poor communication skills. It seems that all these people do is talk, talk, talk, but they never say anything to each other. All the drama hinges on misunderstandings and conniving and manipulating…Hell, any good British Farce gives you the same thing in less time and you get a legitimate laugh out of the experience.
What I found most astounding was the fact that I while was watching some of these conversations take place, i.e.: “I can’t tell him I love him and only married his brother because I don’t deserve to be happy even though I know he loves me too.” I was yelling at the television: “Your mother’s a psychiatrist for the gods' sake! Do you think you might have sought some counseling before marrying the wrong man…AGAIN??!!!”
Now who needs the counseling?
20 August 2006
Rainy Day
I’m sure that there are a number of people who find rainy days depressing. I enjoy them most of the time. I don’t like dark, cold, rainy, winter days but I look forward to days like this.
It’s been grey and rainy all morning. A perfect start to a mysterious, misty day. A good day for reading, watching movies or just being quiet and listening to the water hit the leaves on the trees. My house is perfect for these activities because I have lots of windows and they are always open
I’m just going to sit in perfect grey light. It’s the kind of light that reminds me of that state of being between wakefulness and sleep. That twilight of consciousness that makes you think that anything can happen and real magic is possible.
Maybe something magical will happen today...
It’s been grey and rainy all morning. A perfect start to a mysterious, misty day. A good day for reading, watching movies or just being quiet and listening to the water hit the leaves on the trees. My house is perfect for these activities because I have lots of windows and they are always open
I’m just going to sit in perfect grey light. It’s the kind of light that reminds me of that state of being between wakefulness and sleep. That twilight of consciousness that makes you think that anything can happen and real magic is possible.
Maybe something magical will happen today...
14 August 2006
Uncomfortable Situation
Last Friday I went out on a date with this man I met at the MDFF. We had been out after the show once and this time it was what I would constitute a “real” date. (I wore a skirt and everything)
I had fun and he’s a very nice guy. And I don’t mean that in any other way than n-i-c-e. When you are in your 40s and dating, “nice” is something you look for in a man. Anyway, he’s very nice, solicitous and probably a little nervous. This is something I take into consideration when deciding whether or not to go out with someone again.
My decision was to not go out with him again for various reasons, but the primary reason is that I’m simply not attracted to him romantically and I don’t see the point in prolonging the agony. (A couple of my friends made the comment that he “really likes” me.)
I’m determined to behave like a grownup and let him know instead of acting like a teenager. The question is: do I tell him over the phone? Do I meet him for coffee and then tell him? How does one do this, since I’ve never done this before? I tried asking E’s advice, but he was no help, telling me that the way most “girls” do it is to avoid they guy until he gives up. That’s not my style…anymore.
Needless to say, the gods are working to make me face my fears without delay. As I walked out of work today he just happened to be passing by—I know, it seems a little stalker-y, but it makes sense since I was the one to show him where there were parking spaces downtown that were usually open around 6 and they happen to be near my building—He asked me if I wanted to join him. I said no.
Then he asked me if I wanted to go out with him again.
Me: Oh, poop. This is not how I wanted to tell him this and for goodness sake, we’re standing in an alley. “Uh, no.”
Him: “Do you mind me asking why?”
Me: Yikes! “To tell you the truth, I’m just not attracted to you romantically. Babble, babble babble…Nice guy, babble babble.” Argh!
Him: “Well, I’ll leave it up to you, then if you want to hang out, just call me.”
See? Nice.
Me: “Uh, okay. I’ll see you around”
At which time, I practically ran to my car.
I had fun and he’s a very nice guy. And I don’t mean that in any other way than n-i-c-e. When you are in your 40s and dating, “nice” is something you look for in a man. Anyway, he’s very nice, solicitous and probably a little nervous. This is something I take into consideration when deciding whether or not to go out with someone again.
My decision was to not go out with him again for various reasons, but the primary reason is that I’m simply not attracted to him romantically and I don’t see the point in prolonging the agony. (A couple of my friends made the comment that he “really likes” me.)
I’m determined to behave like a grownup and let him know instead of acting like a teenager. The question is: do I tell him over the phone? Do I meet him for coffee and then tell him? How does one do this, since I’ve never done this before? I tried asking E’s advice, but he was no help, telling me that the way most “girls” do it is to avoid they guy until he gives up. That’s not my style…anymore.
Needless to say, the gods are working to make me face my fears without delay. As I walked out of work today he just happened to be passing by—I know, it seems a little stalker-y, but it makes sense since I was the one to show him where there were parking spaces downtown that were usually open around 6 and they happen to be near my building—He asked me if I wanted to join him. I said no.
Then he asked me if I wanted to go out with him again.
Me: Oh, poop. This is not how I wanted to tell him this and for goodness sake, we’re standing in an alley. “Uh, no.”
Him: “Do you mind me asking why?”
Me: Yikes! “To tell you the truth, I’m just not attracted to you romantically. Babble, babble babble…Nice guy, babble babble.” Argh!
Him: “Well, I’ll leave it up to you, then if you want to hang out, just call me.”
See? Nice.
Me: “Uh, okay. I’ll see you around”
At which time, I practically ran to my car.
13 August 2006
10 August 2006
In then News
I heard about the thwarted terrorist attack this morning while I was still half asleep. I woke up enough to hear that nothing went "BOOM" and there was no one hurt and that it's going to be absolutely no fun to travel in England or the US today.
My thought? YEAH! Those Brits are on the ball and we everything's okay for now.
What was on the 10 o'clock news? How many people COULD have died. How awful it COULD have been.
Sometimes I feel that the media is its own kind of terrorist machine. When a child falls down and isn't hurt, sometimes the adults panic and ask the child if it's okay and try desperately to reassure the child that it's fine. (I think it's to assuage parental guilt. I'm not a parent, though, so I don't know). But the child sees that everyone is upset and gets scared starts crying--sometimes screaming--because he feels he ought to and all these big people are scared, too...but the kid doesn't know why.
All I know is that I'm glad I don't have to worry about planes falling out of the sky today and I'm thankful that there are people who know what to look out for. I will not spend my time worrying about what MIGHT have happened or what COULD have happened.
Oh and I met Harry Anderson today. He's thinking of moving to Asheville. Then we'll have two celebrities in town. Him and Andie MacDowell.
My thought? YEAH! Those Brits are on the ball and we everything's okay for now.
What was on the 10 o'clock news? How many people COULD have died. How awful it COULD have been.
Sometimes I feel that the media is its own kind of terrorist machine. When a child falls down and isn't hurt, sometimes the adults panic and ask the child if it's okay and try desperately to reassure the child that it's fine. (I think it's to assuage parental guilt. I'm not a parent, though, so I don't know). But the child sees that everyone is upset and gets scared starts crying--sometimes screaming--because he feels he ought to and all these big people are scared, too...but the kid doesn't know why.
All I know is that I'm glad I don't have to worry about planes falling out of the sky today and I'm thankful that there are people who know what to look out for. I will not spend my time worrying about what MIGHT have happened or what COULD have happened.
Oh and I met Harry Anderson today. He's thinking of moving to Asheville. Then we'll have two celebrities in town. Him and Andie MacDowell.
06 August 2006
28 July 2006
BREATHE...
and Keep your mouth shut.
Two words of advice I gave myself on my first day of directing Keep on the Sunny Side.
Two words of advice I gave myself on my first day of directing Keep on the Sunny Side.
24 July 2006
Renovation Revelations
While I was pulling out carpet (and all those staples and little tacks they use to keep it down) today I had a personal revelation. I tend to create a mess so I can clean it up. Okay, so it’s not really a revelation. I’ve know this since 1986, but I conveniently forget that I know it and go along blithely messing things up so that I can be the one to fix the “problem”. Very codependent of me, don't you think?
Today was the perfect demonstration of how I make my surroundings reflect the way I feel. I’m a little adrift at the moment. Work is slow to non-existent and I’ve let the house get away from me. So, instead of cleaning up the messy house, I plunge into another project so that I have an excuse for the messy part. Very clever of me, huh? And, now that I am aware that I feel “messy” inside I have to take responsibility for it and do something about it.
Damnit!!!
Whoever said, “Ignorance is bliss,” is absolutely correct.
Today was the perfect demonstration of how I make my surroundings reflect the way I feel. I’m a little adrift at the moment. Work is slow to non-existent and I’ve let the house get away from me. So, instead of cleaning up the messy house, I plunge into another project so that I have an excuse for the messy part. Very clever of me, huh? And, now that I am aware that I feel “messy” inside I have to take responsibility for it and do something about it.
Damnit!!!
Whoever said, “Ignorance is bliss,” is absolutely correct.
23 July 2006
Out of the Mouths of Babes (or Morbid Humor)
4-year old: "Aunt Connie, I'm going to get you a new dog and she's going to be a Carmen Dog."
Me: "That's sweet, honey. Thank you."
4-year old: "You better not kill this one."
At the time, I tried to explain to her that I had to because she was sick and old and wouldn't get any better.
Later I laughed until I peed.
Me: "That's sweet, honey. Thank you."
4-year old: "You better not kill this one."
At the time, I tried to explain to her that I had to because she was sick and old and wouldn't get any better.
Later I laughed until I peed.
Try And vs. Try To
Pet peeve:
Hearing or reading, "I'll try AND do..." Instead of "I'll try TO do..."
If you thought you could accomplish something then why not just say, "I'll do it."
If you thought you may not be able to accomplish something but will give it a good try then say, "I'll try to do it. "
"I'll try and do it" is two different statements. It's like covering all the bases and not actually committing to whatever it is you're going to do. Are you going to do it? Are you going to try? Do you actually know what you are doing?
Are you a TRY AND or a TRY TO?
Hearing or reading, "I'll try AND do..." Instead of "I'll try TO do..."
If you thought you could accomplish something then why not just say, "I'll do it."
If you thought you may not be able to accomplish something but will give it a good try then say, "I'll try to do it. "
"I'll try and do it" is two different statements. It's like covering all the bases and not actually committing to whatever it is you're going to do. Are you going to do it? Are you going to try? Do you actually know what you are doing?
Are you a TRY AND or a TRY TO?
20 July 2006
Grocery Store Observations
I went to the grocery store the other day and there was this woman, obviously harried, shopping with her husband and two kids. Normal, average and everyday, right? No. This woman was a harridan!!! She was yelling at the kids and yelling at her husband as if he was one of the kids. I don’t know about you, but I would be happy that my husband was willing to help with the shopping. This woman acted as if everything that was wrong in the world was his fault. I felt so sorry for both of them. For him because he was obviously trying and all he was getting was humiliated in public and for her because she had no idea how ugly she was behaving. The meddling me wanted to go up to her and tell her to lighten up. The shopping will get done and if she treated her husband and children with a little more respect then it wouldn’t be such a trial. Alas, I didn’t. But it does make me realize how idiotic and small people (even I) look when taking out internal frustrations on the ones we love. I vow to be more in tune to that and to not do it again.
During that same trip to the store I happened to get the cashier who was at the end of her shift and was tired and brain-fried. I purchased 18 items and came home with 8 bags. I really don’t like it when they put one or two items in a bag. It’s such a waste. I guess they think they are doing it to make the bags light. Or because they don’t want to think about it. But, hey, the apples are already in a bag. Do we need to bag the stuff that’s already bagged? Then there was the bag she wrapped around the salmon before starting to put it in its very own bag. Now this was a ½ lb piece of fish that was wrapped in plastic and then wrapped in a bag that she was going to put in a bag by itself!! Argh!!! All it takes is a little thought and you can group things together that will keep the bag standing (sort of) upright and still get more than two items in each bag. Like, instead of putting both the carton o f ½ & ½ and the milk in one bag, she could have given each its own bag and then filled in around it. I was hungry and was aware I was in a bad mood (the wretched mom/wife didn’t do anything to bolster my mood) so I didn’t comment about it. I think that I would have received a blank stare or maybe even tears. Next time there isn’t a nice young man to bag my groceries, I’m gonna do it myself. And why aren’t there any stores in Asheville that let you bag for yourself?
No dancing in the peanut butter aisle for me this time.
During that same trip to the store I happened to get the cashier who was at the end of her shift and was tired and brain-fried. I purchased 18 items and came home with 8 bags. I really don’t like it when they put one or two items in a bag. It’s such a waste. I guess they think they are doing it to make the bags light. Or because they don’t want to think about it. But, hey, the apples are already in a bag. Do we need to bag the stuff that’s already bagged? Then there was the bag she wrapped around the salmon before starting to put it in its very own bag. Now this was a ½ lb piece of fish that was wrapped in plastic and then wrapped in a bag that she was going to put in a bag by itself!! Argh!!! All it takes is a little thought and you can group things together that will keep the bag standing (sort of) upright and still get more than two items in each bag. Like, instead of putting both the carton o f ½ & ½ and the milk in one bag, she could have given each its own bag and then filled in around it. I was hungry and was aware I was in a bad mood (the wretched mom/wife didn’t do anything to bolster my mood) so I didn’t comment about it. I think that I would have received a blank stare or maybe even tears. Next time there isn’t a nice young man to bag my groceries, I’m gonna do it myself. And why aren’t there any stores in Asheville that let you bag for yourself?
No dancing in the peanut butter aisle for me this time.
14 July 2006
I Miss My Dog
It's been a while....
I fell into a little slump for a while there. I think that it was just sinking in that Carmen was gone and I had to deal with that. It sucks to lose a pet. (And in my grief my vocabulary sinks to the basest of levels. ) It sucks to lose any one or thing that is dear. Luckily, there are many pets around so I at least get in a good scratching every couple of days. I know that I will get another dog sometime, but I don't know when. Maybe a Standard Poodle or a Pomeranian. I haven't decided whether it's time for me to become the wacky aunt with the dogs in her purse. Hell, I have everything else in my purse, why not dogs?
Which reminds me...I need a new purse.
I fell into a little slump for a while there. I think that it was just sinking in that Carmen was gone and I had to deal with that. It sucks to lose a pet. (And in my grief my vocabulary sinks to the basest of levels. ) It sucks to lose any one or thing that is dear. Luckily, there are many pets around so I at least get in a good scratching every couple of days. I know that I will get another dog sometime, but I don't know when. Maybe a Standard Poodle or a Pomeranian. I haven't decided whether it's time for me to become the wacky aunt with the dogs in her purse. Hell, I have everything else in my purse, why not dogs?
Which reminds me...I need a new purse.
30 June 2006
Oh!...I'm a Girl!!!!!
This exclamation came out of my mouth this afternoon. It was very much a revelation at the time. Let me explain:
You see, I have been racking my brain to try to figure out why in the world it is so difficult for me to fly pipes out at the theatre. I mean, I know I’m not in the best of shape, but I don’t have any trouble flying things in as long as they’re weighted properly. (Just so you know, you pull down either way you want the pipe to go. If you want it to go out you pull down on the front rope; out, the back rope.) so the weight is not the problem.
Finally, today, E, J & I were flying something out simultaneously and it happened again. The damned thing felt like it weighed a ton. My instinct was to jump on to the rail and haul from there since I had room. Voila! I could haul out the pipe just as easily while standing on the rail as I could haul in something standing on the floor. But I still didn’t know why. So, while the boys were working on putting more weight on the arbor it hit me: I’M A GIRL!!!! The boys looked at me and said, “Yes, you are. Were you confused about that?”
“No, my center of gravity is lower and since I have to reach to fly something out, I don’t have the same strength to do it as you guys!”
Yay! Problem solved. Now I have to figure out how to squeeze myself in a space of about 18 inches in order to work the fly rail. I’m sure it will come in the same kind of flash that my knowledge of my gender will.
You see, I have been racking my brain to try to figure out why in the world it is so difficult for me to fly pipes out at the theatre. I mean, I know I’m not in the best of shape, but I don’t have any trouble flying things in as long as they’re weighted properly. (Just so you know, you pull down either way you want the pipe to go. If you want it to go out you pull down on the front rope; out, the back rope.) so the weight is not the problem.
Finally, today, E, J & I were flying something out simultaneously and it happened again. The damned thing felt like it weighed a ton. My instinct was to jump on to the rail and haul from there since I had room. Voila! I could haul out the pipe just as easily while standing on the rail as I could haul in something standing on the floor. But I still didn’t know why. So, while the boys were working on putting more weight on the arbor it hit me: I’M A GIRL!!!! The boys looked at me and said, “Yes, you are. Were you confused about that?”
“No, my center of gravity is lower and since I have to reach to fly something out, I don’t have the same strength to do it as you guys!”
Yay! Problem solved. Now I have to figure out how to squeeze myself in a space of about 18 inches in order to work the fly rail. I’m sure it will come in the same kind of flash that my knowledge of my gender will.
26 June 2006
Growing Up.....at 40
As I’ve mentioned before, I’m teaching myself to play the guitar. I have been working diligently for the past few weeks to get at least one song down so that I feel comfortable playing it in front of another human being. It’s nothing big or great, but it’s an accomplishment for me.Anyway, that day came yesterday when my dad asked if I had learned to play.
“Yes, I have learned a song, Daddy. Would you like to hear it?”
“Why sure.”
So I get the guitar and I proceed to play Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver but made popular by The Mamas and the Papas. Now, I have been awake for all of 20 minutes and still haven’t had any coffee but I played the song (simple chording and strumming) all the way through without any mistakes except that I forgot the lyrics once. I was pretty proud of myself. I even finished with a little flourish on a G-chord. I looked at Dad expecting something like, “Well that’s not bad,” or maybe even a “That was pretty good. How long have you been working on that?” What did I get from him? I got:
“You really need to work on your voice, I could barely hear you.” And then he said, “You were just playing chords there, weren’t you.”
I could have smashed the guitar over his head.
Instead, I just laughed to myself.
Why did I title this entry “Growing Up”? I won’t go into all the psychological details, but believe me, caring what my father thinks of me has been something I’ve struggled with for all of my life.
Yesterday, it didn’t matter. I realized that his comments were a result of the tapes that play in his head and that what he says, most of the time, has absolutely nothing to do with me, my accomplishments or what I think of myself.
So, I’m growing up little by little and choosing who I am every day. Some days I might choose to be the 5-year old, but it’s better to be able to choose it instead of it choosing me.
22 June 2006
In Memoriam
Today I had to make one of the toughest decisions of my life. I had to decide whether or not the quality of life my sweet dog would have would be worth what I would have to do in order to keep her around a little longer. I decided that she deserved my love, gratitude and respect enough to let her go.
I did.
And she went peaceably and humanely with me holding her, telling her how good she is and how much I love her. I will miss her sorely and it will take me a while to recover. But it is for the best.
I love you, my dear Carmen. Thank you for the years you gave me and for all you have taught me.
I did.
And she went peaceably and humanely with me holding her, telling her how good she is and how much I love her. I will miss her sorely and it will take me a while to recover. But it is for the best.
I love you, my dear Carmen. Thank you for the years you gave me and for all you have taught me.
18 June 2006
Resonance
I recently picked up the guitar again and I had a moment where I understood why people love it so much. I don’t remember what the chord was, but I struck it and struck it loud. There was a vibration that went through me and made it all clear. It’s not something I can really explain except that it was “right” and peaceful.
I liken it to learning to fish. It’s very Zen to cast the line, think like a worm, think like a fish and continuously reel in the line. I didn’t even catch a fish that first day but it became obvious why my brothers were so preoccupied with it.
Now I understand why Gregorian Chant and Tibetan Bells and Mantras are what they are. They give us a resonance to focus on, a recollection of spiritual vibration, so that all else can fall away and we can see the Light that we are.
I liken it to learning to fish. It’s very Zen to cast the line, think like a worm, think like a fish and continuously reel in the line. I didn’t even catch a fish that first day but it became obvious why my brothers were so preoccupied with it.
Now I understand why Gregorian Chant and Tibetan Bells and Mantras are what they are. They give us a resonance to focus on, a recollection of spiritual vibration, so that all else can fall away and we can see the Light that we are.
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