I have Decided

Back in my Catholic Teenage days I would listen to Amy Grant. I thought she was the coolest! And who knew that songs about God could sound like contemporary, pop songs? Anyway, she has this song called I Have Decided and it has been running around in my head all day today.

I don't know if I'm unique in that I have a radio station in my head that is a constant underscore to my life, but that's the way it is. I have found that if I just stop and listen to the words that are repeating I can hear what's really going on with me.

Today I was contemplating the fact that about two months ago, I hadn't worked very much this year and didn't have much money. About that time, I DECIDED that I would do something about it. Sitting around feeling sorry or putting my fate in someone else's hands simply is not the way to make things happen on one's life. I was making excuses about why my life wasn't going well and taking it out on those around me (The Great Lawnmower Meltdown comes to mind--I'll elaborate on that one later). Once I decided to take control of my situation, things began to change. It's amazing how that works. Whether it's faith in a higher being or simply faith in one's self, there is only one way to do what you need to do in life. DECIDE what you want and then make choices according to that decision.

So, what more have I decided? I've decided that I will keep a positive attitude with regards to this film shoot. I have decided that, even though my house will not be pristine come Thanksgiving (we shoot thru the day before), I will make the best of it and not be paranoid that my sister may be judging me. She probably isn't. I have decided that I will do what I have to do in order to take care of myself and not go stark raving mad between now and then.

What have you decided?

Cemetery Lady

It occurred to me today that I had never been to Riverside Cemetery in Asheville. It's a very old cemetery that houses a number of interesting people such as O. Henry, Thomas Wolfe, and a few governors. I've always had a fascination with cemetaries partly because they are, in their own way, an historical art museum. Marble sculpture and inscription for the departed is very personal and meaningful and, to me, holds weight. I came across this beautiful door to a mausoleum. I was so enamored of the art, I didn't look for the date.

It made me catch my breath.

There are so many questions that come to mind when I see this beautiful young woman. Is she saying goodbye? Is she waiting for her time to go in and join her loved one? Or is she contemplating taking her own life in order to be allowed inside?

Every person who saw this piece of art would make up his or her own story about the lady waitng at the door. And all of them would be true.

"That must drive you nuts!"

Did I mention the Film is different? This is a very unexpected difference that I'm not sure I know how to handle:

People are very complimentary and say things like: "Thank you, you're doing a great job" at least once a day.

Yes! It's true! Compliments and reassurance! And I'm not sure I'm absolutely comfortable with it. That is the sad part. I have been working in theatre for 20 years and I rarely experienced a thank you or a direct compliment.

On this particular project, however, I get some sort of "Atta Girl!" from the Producer, the Director or the Production Coordinator on a daily basis. It gives me the willies! The difficulty is in simply accepting the praise and not reading too much into it. Obviously, I've made an impression on these people. That's the most compliment I need. Knowing that I'm doing a good job under difficult circumstances and keeping a good attitude even though my brain has turned to mush is pretty impressive.

Maybe film isn't so bad, after all....Stay tuned, we haven't gone into production, yet.

More Work Stuff

Well, I’m not so sure that I like being a Locations Scout. The days are long and there’s no interaction between me and other people on the film. I do know that will change once we get into the shoot—Did I mention that we are shooting a Feature Film in less than a month? There are a few days in NY, but the majority of the film is in the Asheville area.

Anyway, I’m in my car, driving around, trying to find things that match what’s in the director’s head. Now, I used to be a good mind reader, but I have given that up because it became such a drain. I’m not a good mind reader right now. Especially since I'm working on lack of sleep and little to no nutrition (I've lost 3 pounds this week) and I haven’t really had enough time with the director to figure out what he wants. It’s an odd process. And much less collaborative than theatre. Everyone has his or her own idea about what needs to be done and they don’t talk to one another. Not something I’m used to at all. I think that on my next film I want to do something else. Something more managerial and organizational. I’m good at that.

I had an obligation this week that I couldn’t get out of. I’m the backstage “stage manager” for a concert at the Diana Wortham. I am so much more at home here. In fact, I’m more relaxed right now than I’ve been since last Saturday. I guess that this is where I’m supposed to be. It’s familiar, people have confidence in my ability and, yes, I say “Stand by,” and everyone on headset stops talking. Could it be that I’m more relaxed and happy when I’m in charge?

New Job, New Equipment

Since my new job is about taking Photos of locations, I bought a digital camera. Don't tell anyone that I stop and take personal pictures while on the clock!

The above were taken Downtown and at the Asheville Arboretum.

Hopefully, I'll be able to post more. But since my days have turned into 14 hour work days (film is soooo glamorous!!!) I may just post photos of what's going on. No time to think deep thoughts or be clever. Photos will have to do.

Work Begets Work

I have fallen off the face of the earth and into work.

I worked with an actress in one of my recent shows who is a local film producer. She asked if I'd be interested in film---Of course I am!

I did 2 days as a PA on the re-shoots of a film she was working on.

Film, by the way, is like a constant 10 out of 12. Scurry and get everything set up and then wait for GOD. God has a lot of influence, especially if it's an outside shot. We waited for clouds to pass by on one day and we waited an hour for sunset on another (I guess we were too efficient).

Well, I guess I impressed her enough as a PA that she recommended me for her next film. I start Monday as an Assistant Locations until we start filming...then I'll be doing something else. Woo Hoo! Then there's one in February that she wants me for.

The gods are making up for me not taking a position as Michael Mann's assistant on Mohicans 15 years ago...and I know that I wouldn't have been able to cut it in the film business 15 years ago. I had a lot of growing up to do before that.